"Saturday My Darling Love I have just found your letter of Thursday, on my return from London."

"Tuesday morning" "I am in the middle of explaining what is meant by 'the present time', which is puzzling, and preoccupies my thoughts."

"Sat. night Darling Darling, Your letter which I got this morning was so sad, it troubles me—I feel you are discouraged—I fear you are very ill and weary and feeling you don't get better—but you really do Dearest."

[Letter no. is not on letter.]

"Wednesday morning" Wittgenstein to tea. "(Wittgenstein has given me a climbing rose in a pot—most lovely.) Wittgenstein was shocked to hear I am writing on Theory of Knowledge—he thinks it will be like the Shilling Shocker, which he hates. He is a tyrant, if you like."

Reached p. 80 after working until midnight.

"... I have been thinking all morning about the difference between sensation and imagination, arriving at the conclusion that there is none, but only a difference between the sensed and the imagined."

"Thursday morning" Going to ceremonial opening of a psychological laboratory here. "(Wittgenstein is exhibiting an apparatus for psychological investigation of rythm [rhythm].)"

"12 pages up on my average".

"Friday mg." His evening: "Wittgenstein and Pinsent talking to each other and ignoring the rest of the world". Got a bright idea as to the difference between sensation and imagination:* "Find it helps with dreams (my old bugbears) and memory" 110 pages.

"It fascinates and absorbs me...."

"I don't think my mind has ever been better than it is just now,"

*"Sensation and Imagination", The Monist, 25: Jan. 1915, 28-44. (This would be chapter 5.)

Working on analysis of knowledge of time.

"You wouldn't believe how many difficulties there are in our knowledge of time...."

"Sunday night" "Then I had Moore and McTaggart and Wittgenstein to meet him at lunch—Sanger likes Wittgenstein very much. I had some philosophical talk with Moore, which I very seldom have now-a-days—he is very good, and really helpful, in discussion."

Tagore. Miss [Melian] Stawell.

"What I am writing will have to be re-written, I think; I am going ahead full steam, to get the skeleton done—then I can fill in at my leisure.... But I shall write a popular logic before I re-write this."

"If I can keep fit, I have material for writing steadily till I go to America. But when you first come home I want to write about 'the place of good and evil in the universe'."*

*The original topic for BR's Lowell Lectures.

"Tuesday morning" "Last night I sat up late finishing 'Time',* which I did satisfactorily but not without effort." "For years I have wondered if one could make a relational theory of time, and have not seen how it could be done—yesterday I reached that point, and just made the theory in the course of a few hours."

James's psychology not so good as he thought—description good but not analysis. "I cannot discover that there are any books that are any use to me." Vital distinctions absent. "... I am living the life of one possessed."

Lunching with Whiteheads today—"I haven't seen them for ages. He has been ill and they have been at Lockeridge."

*"On the Experience of Time", The Monist, 25: April 1915, 212-33.

"Wed. aft." "I had a pleasant 2 hours with Mrs. Whitehead yesterday—Whitehead got blood-poisoning from influenza but is now better—he was very bad.... I didn't see him as he was at University College."

"My Theory of Knowledge consists of three parts, Acquaintance, Judgment, Inference. Acquaintance consists of two divisions, Particulars and Universals. I finished Particulars the day before yesterday, and have now begun on Universals, which are harder.* So one may reckon I have done a sixth of the book; but I think really it is more nearly a quarter. Wittgenstein came to see me last night with a refutation of the theory of judgment which I used to hold. He was right, but I think the correction required is not very serious. I shall have to make up my mind within a week, as I shall soon reach judgment."

*Acquaintance with particulars extends through Ch. VI, and that with universals occupies Chs. VII-IX, of Part I.

"Thursday aft." "Mrs. Whitehead gave me news of Alys and Logan". [Pearsall Smith]

Past 160 pages now.*

"The part I am at now doesn't interest me much, as I have not much that is new to say about it. I shall come to more interesting things soon, when I get on to judgment."

*I.e. near the end of Ch. VII, Pt. I.

"Friday aft." 12 pages this morning, now going out with Wittgenstein.

"I have finished 'Acquaintance with Universals'* and must now tackle 'Acquaintance with Logical Form' which is difficult."

End of Acquaintance—first 1/3 of book; now 180 pages.**

*Actually titled "Acquaintance with Predicates" (Ch. VIII, Pt. I).

**I.e. the end of Ch. VIII.

"Friday evg." 20 pages today; " Tomorrow will have to be the day of judgment".

"A very great part of the problem of matter will come in at the end of this book. Indeed I think all that is really difficult and fundamental can come in—then some day I can work it out in full mathematical detail."

[Letter no. is not on letter.]

"Afternoon" "I embarked on judgment, and got a new way of dividing the subject—quite new, and much more searching than the traditional divisions. I made an abstract of the second part, and then began writing—any number of really important new ideas came to me."*

Will come to 500 pages of ms—300-400 pages of ordinary 8vo. print. "When I go over it again, I shall have to put in more erudition and controversy. At present, there are very few allusions to other people.... Another thing I shall have to do in re-writing is to see whether I can weaken any of my conclusions. In philosophy one is apt to think things prove more than they do, and skill consists in seeing how little they prove, while still realizing what they really do prove."

*Referring to "The Understanding of Propositions", Ch. I of Pt. II.

"Sunday afternoon" "I am trying to understand what is meant by understanding a sentence or statement. It is amazingly complicated."*

*Still on Ch. I of Pt. II.

"Tuesday afternoon" "Wittgenstein came to see me—we were both cross from the heat—I showed him a crucial part of what I have been writing. He said it was all wrong, not realizing the difficulties—that he had tried my view and knew it wouldn't work. I couldn't understand his objection—in fact he was very inarticulate—but I feel in my bones that he must be right, and that he has seen something I have missed. If I could see it too I shouldn't mind, but as it is, it is worrying, and has rather destroyed the pleasure in my writing—I can only go on with what I see, and yet I feel it is probably all wrong, and that Wittgenstein will think me a dishonest scoundrel for going on with it. Well well—it is the younger generation knocking at the door—I must make room for him when I can, or I shall become an incubus. But at the moment I was rather cross."

"Thursday afternoon"

Visited Whiteheads yesterday—Whitehead fairly well again though tired. Wittgenstein here.

"Friday night" Page 273*—by Sunday night 300.

"I am anxious to get on to the constructive part, where I shall deal with Our Knowledge of the External World."

*Near the end of Ch. IV, Pt. II, "Belief, Disbelief, and Doubt".

"Friday morning My Darling—Your letter with the lovely gentian and narcissus arrived this morning."

"Saturday afternoon" "I have done 10 pages today on the Definition of Truth*—rather good I think—certainly a great advance on what I wrote before on the same subject—I have still an immense mass of things in my head—I have not yet finished the second of the three divisions of the analytic half of the book."

*Ch. V of Pt. II, "Truth and Falsehood".

"Wed. mg." "I gather from Lucy Silcox that the New Statesman has at last printed me on science."*

"The three parts I spoke of will, I think, be only the first half, the analytic part; with luck there will be a constructive part to follow. But I may find it better to make that a separate book."

"I have recovered from the effect of Wittgenstein's criticisms, though I think in all likelihood they are just. But even if they are they won't destroy the value of the book. His criticisms have to do with problems I want to leave to him—which makes a complication."

*On 24 & 31 May 1913, as "Science as an Element in Culture."

"Sunday evening" Page 300 today—finished chapter on Truth and Falsehood.*

"... of course I have only superficially and by an act of will got over Wittgenstein's attack—it has made the work a task rather than a joy. It is all tangled up with the difficulty of not stealing his ideas—there is really more merit in raising a good problem than in solving it."

"Wittgenstein affects me just as I affect you—I get to know every turn and twist of the ways in which I irritate and depress you from watching how he irritates and depresses me; and at the same time I love and admire him. Also I affect him just as you affect me when you are cold. The parallelism is curiously close altogether. He differs from me just as I differ from you. He is clearer, more creative, more passionate; I am broader, more sympathetic, more sane. I have overstated the parallel for the sake of symmetry, but there is something in it."

BR is sure his book is good, "because it gives an example of scientific method where previous writing has been unscientific."

—In October term BR must write a text-book of logic. *Page 300 is the end of that chapter.

"Monday mg. My Darling Love Both the Whiteheads are out for the moment, & I am sitting in Whitehead's study."

"Tuesday aft." "Mrs. Whitehead is very tired and ill. I read my screed about science to her and Jessie and they liked it."

"The sort of difficulty I used to feel here a year ago has absolutely ceased—there is not a trace of it left.—I have talked to Whitehead about the work I have been doing—it is not much in his line but he seems pleased with it."

"Monday night late" Sorry letters so wretched—"First it needed a great effort to get over Wittgenstein's criticism...."

"And in an odd way I grow ashamed of having any personal feeling or any private life when the work-fit is on me—it is almost like your 'wild' moods."

On how he writes.

Sorry for calling her an "undisciplined brain".

"Wed. aft." "Detachment is glorious and Godlike, and gives breadth and wisdom and compassion to one's emotions when they do come back. Spinoza is full of it."

"Thursday aft." "I had an awful time with Wittgenstein yesterday between tea and dinner. He came analysing all that goes wrong between him and me, and I told him I thought it was only nerves on both sides and everything was all right at bottom. Then he said he never knew whether I was speaking the truth or being polite, so I got vexed and refused to say another word. He went on and on and on. I sat down at my table and took up my pen and began to look through a book, but still he went on. At last I said sharply "All you want is a little self-control". Then at last he went away with an air of high tragedy. He had asked me to a concert in the evening, but he didn't come, so I began to fear suicide. However, I found him in his room late (I left the concert, but didn't find him at first), told him I was sorry I had been cross, and then talked quietly about how he could improve. His faults are exactly mine—always analysing, pulling feelings up by the roots, trying to get the exact truth of what one feels towards him. I see it is very tiring and very deadening to one's affections. I think it must be characteristic of logicians—he is the only other one I have known intimately."

"Controlling the direction of one's attention is the secret of everything—but it is hard to do even when one knows it ought to be done."

"—All but finished 'Self-Evidence'*—then I go on to 'Degrees of Certainty' and that ends Part II of Book I. I shall have to do Part III in a very sketchy way, because I haven't yet thought much about the questions involved."

16 and 17th to Whiteheads.

18th Frau Wittgenstein.

*Ch. VI of Pt. II—i.e., through page 323.

"Sat. aft." "I suppose nothing except music is quite so remote and abstract as the sort of work I do."

"Yesterday I finished Part II, and reached page 350."*

Presides on a discussion on memory tonight.

Wants to read her parts of Theory of Knowledge.

*The end of the ms, and of what he wrote of the book.

"Monday mg." "I can't feel any enthusiasm for this Government."

"Sunday night" Aris. meeting; loves Alexander. Haldane. Won't go on with writing now, as inference (which is next) wants a lot of thought.

"Wittgenstein and work together are trying."

"Tuesday aft." "The 9th Symphony last night quite flattened me out...."

Middle ages.

"Monday night" Wittgenstein took him to the Choral Symphony.

"If one respects a person, it is difficult not to care for them as much as they care for one. Wittgenstein said he had had some great moments in his life, and one was hearing the Choral Symphony with me. I thought of no human being except you all the time—I felt shame at being unable to feel towards him as he does towards me." [Transcription incorrectly had "torments" for "moments", based on a poor printout from a poor microfilm image.]

"I think this symphony is even greater than the C Minor—probably the greatest thing man has ever done." ... Loneliness and creative effort—writing not for an audience.

"Wednesday morning" Wittgenstein's mother—London on 18th. North got a third.

Dorward got a first—likes him very much.

"Friday aft." "My work still goes swimmingly—today I have been writing on memory,* finding out all sorts of things. I hope to finish Part II today. Tomorrow I go to London till Tues mg."

*I.e. "Degrees of Certainty", the last Ch. of Pt. II.

"Thurs. aft." "[Lion Phillimore] said you had told her that in old days I had had another cause of unhappiness besides Alys—I suspected this of being mere inquisitive malice, or was there any sort of foundation?"

"Thursday night" Will skip inference for the present and go on to constructive part—but not till Sept.

"Friday mg." "The best thing in my writing on Theory of Knowledge is the map of the country—that was already partially in the Shilling book. It is very new, I think, and much more according to the natural divisions of the subject." When map ok, rest can be corrected at leisure.

"Sat. aft." The Whiteheads are coming here 17th to see North take degree.

"Late. My Darling Ottoline—This can't go till tomorrow but I will begin it now—I hope it will reach you on your birthday."

"Sunday mg. My Darling Darling—Your dear letter of Friday is here and I have just found it."

[On the microfilm this letter is part of letter 808. The print-out and transcription are located after 834 to maintain the numerical sequence.]

Lowell Institute won't have "The Place of Good and Evil in the Universe"*.

[*Lowell told BR this in an extant letter dated 6 June 1913.]

"Sunday night My Darling Love—Here is the last letter I shall send to you abroad."

"Monday night. My Darling Darling—Your little letter from Paris has just reached me—it is no use writing now, but I must write one word of joy—I will be with you at 9."

[Letter is not signed but seems to be complete.]

"Thursday night." Went to Tagore's lecture—rubbish.*

"All that has gone wrong with me lately comes from Wittgenstein's attack on my work—I have only just realized this. It was very difficult to be honest about it, as it makes a large part of the book I meant to write impossible for years to come probably." "Failure of honesty". "The first time in my life that I have failed in honesty over work." Yesterday felt ready for suicide.

*Re "the river becoming one with the ocean and man becoming one with Brahma."

"Friday night" "I had a nice time with [the Whiteheads]—no fresh worries, and agreeable talk. I never have now the uncomfortable feelings there that I used to have a year ago. I shall dine there Monday."

Talks about the type of love he has for Ottoline and how different hers is for him. He talks about her comparison of him and Philip.

"Sat. mg." Outline of "popular lectures on scientific method"*; talks about useful books.

[*New topic for his Lowell Lectures.]

"Sat. evg. My Darling Darling Love—I'm afraid this can't reach you tomorrow, but I am too much filled with love to do anything but write to you—new love, new hope, new courage—life to be begun again, as so many times before."

[Letter is not signed; has no closing words; difficult to tell whether it is complete or not.]

"Sunday aft. My Darling Darling Love—I am sitting out by the Ouse, in a very lonely spot where I have sometimes been with Goldie—I hear the wind in the grass, many larks, and sometimes a cuckoo."

[Continues] "Late evg." [River Ouse]

BR having very bad time:

"... I have had much to try me lately. Wittgenstein's attack—the difficulty of getting my lectures done—the Whiteheads' troubles—also a recurrence of what was troubling me St. Paul's day—also, for purely unselfish reasons, an imperative need to make money."

"My Darling—The whole thing was a trick of nerves."

[Letter no. is not on letter.]

"My Darling Your dear telegram just came."

Letter no. 818 not on microfilm reel. Listed as missing by U. of Texas.

"Sat. mg." "To save my reason I must part from you."

Wants to talk about it with Mrs. Whitehead.

"Monday evg." He is reading all the known Heraclitus fragments.

"We live and suffer, and the grave swallows us up—but while courage is left the rest matters nothing—I believe that is all the wisdom there is."

"Wed. night." Went to tea with Whiteheads again.

"Friday mg." "My Darling Darling Love Your dear letter this morning is rather sad, but it is so full of love that I cannot altogether feel it sadly."

Is taking Eric and North* around Cornwall etc., then back to Lockeridge.

*Whitehead.

"Monday mg. My Darling, Your letter of Saturday night and Sunday has come."

"Mount's Bay Hotel Wed. evg." "I can't see my way with my popular lectures. It was all work-worry that made me horrid lately."

Tregarthen's Hotel, St. Mary's "Thursday My Darling Love We have just arrived and I am sitting out in the hotel garden over-looking the bay—the place is beautiful beyond belief—a kind of healing beauty—water and shore and buildings and low hills are all the most wonderful delicate colours...."

"Sat. evg. My Darling Darling I was very glad to get your letter at Penzance this morning—I had been longing to hear from you."

[Continues] "Sunday" [13 July 1913].

"Tuesday evg. My Darling Darling Your dear letter has just come."

"Thursday aft. My Darling Love Your two little letters written yesterday both arrived this afternoon."

"Sunday night" "Both the Whiteheads have done me good. I asked him if he thought I had been unproductive lately—the last 2 years—and he very emphatically thought not, which soothed me. Also having decided on the plan of my American lectures irrevocably has quieted me."

"Saturday mg." "Yesterday I sent off a syllabus [not found] of my popular lectures in America—so now I am committed as to what I am to lecture about. I have made them much more simply exposition of previous results, so that they will be easy to do. I must do them in Sept."

"Tuesday evg. My Darling Love—It was a joy being with you, though I couldn't help being rather subdued."

"Wed. mg." Likes Vittoz's book—used his "one" to go to sleep.

"Tuesday night My Darling—I am so ashamed of having written such a depressed letter—I don't know why I felt so depressed, but anyhow I have got over it—Sanger was cheering, and it was nice to think of all the places in Italy where we shall be."

"Thursday" " Staying with Whitehead's sons at Lockeridge."

"Sat. mg." "Nijinsky must be rather wonderful."

"My Darling Your note came a moment ago."

"Wed. mg. My Darling Darling—You are only just gone, yet already I feel I must write to you, while the joy of you is still with me."

"Monday evg. My Darling. I must write you one line of greeting from Italy in return for your love which I gave it."

"Friday mg. My Dearest—It is a little difficult to get much time for writing here because of the party."

[For a description of the hotel he was staying at, see Related To file under Norwich, John Julius.]

"Sat. mg. My Darling Sanger is still packing so I have a few minutes alone."

"Sunday" Tried to see Peano, but he was away.

Good on what she doesn't do for him.

"Monday My Darling I am sorry to have written you such a horrid letter yesterday."

"Tuesday My Darling Love I have written you such horrid letters ever since I went abroad that I feel I must have given you much pain."

"Wed. near Fontainebleau My Darling—Here we are jolting along in brilliant sun—I feel already much the better for the change—the sea was smooth—Sanger is very nice."

"Thursday" Very eager to go see Conrad.

"Wednesday night My Darling I had to write in a hurry this afternoon while Sanger had a nap, and I didn't have half time to answer your letter."

"Friday aft." "Yes, actors and actresses seem to be always second rate people—I believe it destroys one's own character to be always acting a part."

"Monday" [Long letter. Important—describes his prayers in a Cathedral].

"Tuesday" "I care for architecture quite enormously—it moves and delights me as much as music."

"Thursday My Dearest—Your dear letter sent here has just reached me."

"Sunday" "You don't know how hard it has been to put up with the disappointment as regards writing. If you could have given me a little more, I could have made something of the Forstice kind of stuff."

Melian [Stawell] mentioned.

"Tuesday My Dearest Your telegram this morning was very welcome."

"Sat. evg. My Darling Love This is only one line in haste to say I have quite got over the fit of gloom I was suffering from, and feel quite able to meet the future whatever it may bring."

"Friday evg. My Darling. The letter I wrote earlier today was unnecessarily gloomy."

"I am writing under difficulties as W. [Wittgenstein] is here—he has done extraordinarily good work, and has I think practically solved the problems he was working at. You can hardly believe what a load this lifts off my spirits—it makes me feel almost young and gay. The oppression before was intolerable and affected my relation to you very much."

"Friday mg." Just back from Italy.

BR kissed the hand of Frau Liese von Hathenberg (i.e. Hattingberg).

"Sat. night My Dear Dear Love—I must write one line though there is no post, because my heart is very full."

"Monday aft." Wants to write to Conrad suggesting meeting. "I have begun writing my popular lectures.* The work does not interest me at all ... I will send you the lectures as soon as they are written...." Cannon's book very good on Cambridge.

*The Lowell Lectures.

"Afternoon" Month abroad cost only £23; has £80 to live on till new year.

"I am getting on as best I can with my popular lectures."

[Lowell Lectures]

"Thursday mg." "I have been writing this morning about Parmenides, who was a wonderful man. The problem of infinity, which I am writing about, was brought to a certain point by his disciple Zeno, and then made no advance until 1847...."*

[*In Ch. VI, "The Problem of Infinity Historically Considered", of Our Knowledge.]

"Friday" "I finished my second lecture this morning and am sending it to Bedford Square. It is a little short, but I shall speak it, not read it, and I shall expand the difficult points, so it will probably fill its hour."