BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [20 MAY 1913]
BRACERS 17915. ALS. Morrell papers #781, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Tuesday mg

My Darling Love

Here I am in the train, with a great sense of leisure — I wish the journey were longer. I am very glad of a day off — last night I sat up late finishing “Time”, which I did satisfactorily but not without effort. — I am so sorry your head has been so bad. Please tell me all that Combe tells P. I know you will shorten your report, under the pretence that it is boring — please don’t. I am interested too about J. I wonder what you will decide as regards the sun-cure.

Miss Stawell saying God bless you had such a queer effect on me — it was quite sudden — absolutely the only word except philosophy either of us said. It had the effect of suddenly seeing the valleys when one is on the Alps in a snow-storm. I made no reply of any sort.

I lunched yesterday with Hollonda (a law don) to make the acquaintance of the Master’s son Jim Butler, who will probably get a fellowship this year. I thought him amiable and quite uninteresting.

No, I am not feeling at all old now — just a very competent machine — the points that turn up as I write I see how to deal with, by a kind of easy instinct — it really means being tremendously strung up, but it feels oddly easy. For years I have wondered if one could make a relational theory of time, and have not seen how it could be done — yesterday I reached that point, and just made the theory in the course of a few hours. It is odd how one’s mental capacity varies.

James’s Psychology, now that I am working on similar things, is not so good as I thought. He is wonderfully good at description of what happens, but no good at analysis, and he doesn’t notice the problems raised by his own descriptions. I cannot discover that there are any books that are any use to me. Two or three vital distinctions, on which I base everything, are absent in the books, and therefore the problems that interest me are not discussed. When it is re-written, it will be much better book than I thought it was going to be. If only your head were not so bad, I could make you share the aesthetic delight of getting things clear — but I am afraid it is all too difficult. I am afraid my letters are dull, but I am living the life of one possessed. I feel Satan made the muddles. I have daily furious battles, and so far I have daily routed the foul Fiend.

I am lunching with the Whiteheads, but have to get back for my lecture. I haven’t seen them for ages. He has been ill and they have been at Lockeridge. I am glad of a day off — I shall still be ahead of my daily average, if I do nothing today. And I have come to a division, from which one can’t go on without taking thought.

Your love is always in my mind, Dearest — Somehow it just makes the effort of work possible. I am incredibly happy, but so tense and excited that my mood is very unstable and brittle. I expect though that it will last till I see you again. — Goodbye my Darling. I do hope your head is better. I send many many kisses and my deepest love —

Your
B

• 1

  [document] Document 000781. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “781”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | Hôtel Riche-Mont | Lausanne | Switzerland. Pmk: LONDON.N.W. | 12.15 PM | MAY 20 13

Textual Notes

• a

  Hollond misspelt as Holland