BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [22 JULY 1913]
BRACERS 17972. ALS. Morrell papers #832, Texas
Proofread by A.G. Bone et al.

Tuesday evg.1^, 2

My dearest Love

It was a joy being with you, though I couldn’t help being rather subdued. But I still don’t see the future clearly. I can’t quite make out why I should be so much less happy than formerly, in spite of your being so full of love. I suppose it must be still fatigue from work. What I really want to say is — If I came up Monday morning, could you see me Monday afternoon as well as the day Tuesday? Don’t mind saying no, but if you could it would make these next days easier to live through. Mrs Whitehead will not be at Lockeridge after Thursday, as she is coming to London. I am full of love to you, but it takes time to thaw, and I feel miserable when it has not come out. I wish I were happier — it is hard on you that I should not be. If I knew how to cope with it, I would, but I don’t know what to do. While we were together these days, things interested me — Dante and Wordsworth and Vittoz all in their different ways seemed worth while — but as soon as I am gone from you everything seems utterly flat and boring. I have lived through years of such moods before and of course I can do it again — but one’s courage seems less when one knows it all so well. You said you wanted me to be unreserved, otherwise I wouldn’t write such a letter. For the moment hope and energy seem dead, and life ahead seems a dreary waste, only to be traversed by bleak courage. I can’t think why I feel so, and I know it will pass — Perhaps it was influenza I had — If you write a line tonight, it will reach me here — but don’t bother if you are tired — Forgive me — I really don’t know how to cope with myself.

Your
B

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  [document] Document 000832. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] A circled “832”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | 44 Bedford Square | W.C. Pmk: LONDON W.C. | JUL 22 13B | 7.30 PM