BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [30 JUNE 1913]
BRACERS 17960. ALS. Morrell papers #820, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

Monday evg.1^, 2

My Darling Darling

Your dear letter sent by hand was here when I came in just now (6.20) — for a moment I was afraid I had missed you — I was relieved when I found I hadn’t. I wonder if you wrote yesterday — if so I missed it. Yes I am free tomorrow all day — I have no engagements till Kingdom Come. Your letter that you feared might hurt me wasn’t the sort that hurts — it is only what seems like coldness that hurts, and that letter didn’t seem at all like that. I had not expected you back till after dinner tonight. a

I feel amazingly alive and full of thoughts. I have been reading all the known fragments of Heraclitus, which are wonderful. “It is hard to fight with one’s heart’sb desire. Whatever it wishes to get, it purchases at the cost of soul”. “The way of man has no wisdom, but that of God has” “If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it, for it is hard to be sought out and difficult.” “It is the thunderbolt that steers the course of all things” (no doubt meant literally). “Every beast is driven to pasture with blows” “To God, all things are fair and good and right; but men hold some things wrong and some right”.

“Mortals are immortals and immortals are mortals, the one living the other’s death and dying the other’s life” [I don’t know what this means.] “Time is a child playing draughts; the kingly power is a child’s”. “When they are born, they wish to live and meet with their dooms — or rather to rest — and they leave children behind them to meet with their dooms in turn.” He is only known from a few scattered quotations — some mere nonsense — and no one knows what he thought or believed — strange, the genius and fire and agony of it — all gone, gone, and only a few swift lightning flashes remembered.

We live and suffer, and the grave swallows us up — but while courage is left the rest matters nothing — I believe that is all the wisdom there is. Goodbye my heart’s desire.

Your
B

I am longing longing for you with an intolerable yearning. But I am very happy.

• 1

  [document] Document 000820. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “820”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | 44 Bedford Square | W.C. Pmk: LONDON 0 | 7.30 PM | JU 2 | 13

Textual Notes

• aLet me know if I come to you tomorrow or you to me. inserted
• b

  heart’s emended editorially from hearts