BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [21 JUNE 1913]
BRACERS 17953. ALS. Morrell papers #814, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

Sat. evg.1^, 2

My Darling Darling Love

I’m afraid this can’t reach you tomorrow, but I am too much filled with love to do anything but write to you — new love, new hope, new courage — life to be begun again, as so many times before. I have spoilt another opportunity — put another nail in the coffin of former joys — but life is long, and the battle is not lost — it is never lost till death. I will win through in the end — and never never will I give up the fight with Satan. My Dearest Dearest, I love you with such an aching love — when I hurt you, all the tragedy of the world seems condensed into the one dreadful thing — and yet I go on, and hurt you again and again. Why? I don’t know — it is a mystery to me. And all the while the greatness and sacredness of love remains in my heart, tho’ I sin against it. I did so profoundly feel what you meant yesterday when you said one ought not to be ungrateful for what one has had — and I am not — it is surface madness. When I am waiting for your return, I am worn out and dead with longing and nervousness long before you come — when you come, I feel almost as if it was in some previous life that I had wished for you — Dearest you are the life of my life, the light of my world — without you I am a tossing raft on the sea at night — the ghosts come gibbering, the loneliness of Man takes shape and sighs beside me — the world crumbles — and then when I am with you again it is all so different — but I trouble you with the old mad ghosts, instead of forgetting them in the morning sun. I wish it were not so.

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  [document] Document 000814. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] A circled “814”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | Newington House | Wallingford. Pmk: CAMBRIDGE | 10.15 PM | 21 JUN 13