"Sat evg. Colette My Darling, Thank you for your telegram and also for your letter of yesterday—I am gradually working through my tangles—I begin to see daylight."

"I have written a great deal and thought a great deal during these days."

"... some mordant writing relieved me a bit" [a reference possibly to "Why Do Men Persist in Living?"].

"Sunday My Dearest Darling—Your beautiful letter is such a happiness to me—I understand the mood you express—mine shall suit it."

"Wed night. My Loved One—This evening was full of pain—the pain I have been dreading from the beginning."

"Thurs. mg. My Darling, My Loved One, My Angel, It was a joy to hear from you again at last—I had been wondering and wondering what had happened—"

"Monday evg." "My Beloved—I found your wonderful wonderful letter when I came home—it overwhelmed me with your goodness and all you are and all you give me—"

"Monday mg. My Darling Loved One—Your Sat. mg. letter has just come—"

Part of this letter, beginning on the top of the second page, forms the first paragraph of literary letter no. 10, document .007052fd, record 93471, dated 28 December 1916.

"Wed. night My Darling—I have been glad of your letters—"

"Yes, the Daily Mail says I have no reasoning power and have lost my sense of humour—sad, sad."

"Thursday I meant to have written yesterday my Darling but I simply couldn't—now Miss Wrinch is here having a lesson, and then I have to go to the office to continue the inquisition with Salter—"

"Wilson's speech was glorious".

"Sat. mg. My Beloved—I was very very glad to get your two little letters—I do wish I had not got into this utterly hateful mood—"

The second paragraph of this letter was used for the second paragraph of literary letter number 10, document .007052fd, record 93471, dated 28 December 1916.

Part of this original letter has been combined with document 200079 to create literary letter no. 10 (document .007052fn; 210.007052–F6, p. 551, BRACERS 93471) with the date of 28 December 1916.

"Monday mg. My Beloved—It was dreadful to see you so unhappy last night—I longed to be able to comfort you, but I did not know how I could."

"Wed. mg. My Loved One—Your beautiful letter has just come—I am through the black fit now."

"I have been writing, and thinking of things to write, every spare moment."

This letter was previously dated by Jo Vellacott as 1917.

"Wed. late My Beloved—I wonder if the enclosed will interest you. Don't talk about it as it may come to nothing. Writing it has been a relief."

"My Darling—I have just heard that I am graciously permitted to go to Newhaven but I don't know when the court martial is to be."

"My Loved One—I hated to write such a wretched scrawl this morning but I hadn't time for more."

"Sat—lunch 1 (Where you like) all afternoon—I too must go to meeting."

"Tuesday My Beloved—I hated to leave you last night but I had such a lot of work ahead of me that I thought I ought—"

"A very interesting bit of work (which I will tell you about when we meet) has suddenly descended upon me and will keep me furiously busy till Friday, doing things I enjoy."

"Friday My Darling—I keep thinking about you and wondering how things are with you."

"Sat. mg. My Beloved—Your Thursday letter reached me this morning."

"Wed. evg. My Beloved—Your dear letter came to me safely this morning—I was glad of it—I was very very happy that last evening with you—I wish work brought relief the way it used to—but now it all seems such a weariness—we are all stale, working by will, not by spontaneous hope."

BR met Carpenter.

"Friday My Beloved—Just one line to say I love you and keep thinking about you all day—it is exciting about Gilbert and Mary*—I hear he has had a break-down and gone queer—I should like to know the truth—"
*[Murray]

BR met with an "American College youth" who said that there are many conscientious objectors among them. The next letter names him Black.

"Sat. aft. My Beloved—I found 2 letters here when I got home just now—dear letters—thank you for them."

"My Beloved—Your dear letters are such a joy to get—the thought of you is like sunshine in the midst of all the darkness and dreariness of the world."

"It was very interesting about Harold and the Canadians."

"Thursday My Beloved—Your dear little letter came this mg.—I am sorry you are in a financial panic—but if you get work it will be all right won't it?"

"Tuesday My Darling—Yes I can come with you tomorrow aft.—I shall love it—and then we will dine at the Attic when we get home."

"My Darling—It is sad that you are so ill—I quite understand your not wanting to see me just now—I do hope all these remedies will produce a good result."

This letter was written in early March.

"My Darling—Your dear letter has just reached me."

"Friday My Darling—I am worried by having no news of you—I am afraid you must be worse."

"Friday aft. (2nd letter). My Beloved—Your wonderful wonderful letter has just come and has made me so full of happiness and a sort of awe—your love is so beautiful and strong and so wonderfully free from self—my Dear, my loved one, you don't know what greatness there is in you."

"11.15 p.m. My Dearest Darling—I read your letter at once—got inside the bus so as to have enough light—and was well rewarded—such a dear dear little letter—"

"My Darling Love—Only one moment to write, after an incredibly busy day."

This letter was written during the evening of the 7th and postmarked the following morning at 9:15 a.m.

"Friday night. My Beloved—Your letter from Brighton has just come."

"Friday My Darling Loved One—I am sorry to have been so remiss as to letters lately—I have been rushed and busy—"

"My Beloved—I wonder whether Brighton is doing you any good at all, or merely tiring you more—I keep hoping that the air will do you good in spite of everything."

This letter was written in mid-March.

"My Beloved, My Dearest Joy, Your wonderful letter yesterday was a great deep happiness to me."

This original letter has a typed literary version, letter number 11, document .007052fg, record 93473. It was this version of the letter that was published in the Autobiography. The literary version is condensed, and one phrase is altered.

"Paddington 3:18 Goring 5:00 Will meet in train—get as near front as possible—will find you there Station Goring." [Letter is not signed.]

This date is quite tentative. Assuming the letter belongs to 1917, it appears the earliest it could have been written is April. The winter of 1916-17 was terrible with the Times reporting that there had only been 7 hours of bright sunshine in January and February. March continued along the same lines, and the poor weather continued into April, with the gloomy conditions requiring artificial light at 11 am on 1 April. (Ibid., "Wintry April", 2 April 1917, p. 5; "The Arctic Spring", 13 April 1917, p. 3).

Russell and Colette had been discussing a day in the country; on 19 April he wrote that he felt well enough to go.

"Wed. My Darling Colette—I am sorry yesterday left you depressed—I don't know why it did—I suppose because I was too tired to shake off thoughts of business."

"Friday My Beloved—I am glad you were able to talk last night about the things that are on your mind—I hope you will be able to go on talking."

"My Darling—I am very sorry but it turns out I shall have to work all tomorrow—an absolutely first-class fuss seems possible—"

"Sat. mg. Just one word of love, my Darling, before I go off to the Committee. Two letters from you came this mg."

"Late. My Darling—It is most terribly disappointing about your tour—"

[Letter is not signed.]

"Monday My Loved One—Your Good Friday letter came today, and was a great joy."

"My Beloved—Your dear little letter came this morning—it was a great joy to get it."

[The letter as published in SLBR contains a transcription error.]

"My Dearest Darling—It was a great joy to get your dear little letter tonight."

"Easter Monday 1917. My Beloved—Your Good Friday letter arrived today—it was a very great joy to get it."

"Monday night My Beloved—It was an unspeakable joy to get your letter this evening and know that you are here again."

"Thurs. My Loved One—I had rather hoped to hear from you by now but as I hadn't a moment to write myself I can't complain."

"My Darling—This is about tomorrow: too complicated for the telephone with Smith listening."

"Monday My Darling Love—I wonder how you are feeling today and whether you have been able to keep hope and energy."

"My Darling—It is not German measles, only a very mild attack of influenza—"

On 16 April (document .200125, record 19149) BR wrote that he had a vile cold. Colette noted that BR had a sharp attack of influenza during the week of April 16, but by April 19 he was recovering.

This letter was written on either the 17th or possibly the 18th.

"My Darling Love A thousand thanks for your letter—I am quite well again, only a little weak and funny—"

"My Beloved—I am really well again, and anxious to go on Sat—could I see [sic] for some time tomorrow (Friday) to talk about it?"

"Tues. My Dearest I return the letter from Harold, which interested me."

"Friday The tie is lovely—thank you a thousand times—I love it—"

"Friday My Heart's Love—Your letter has come—I do not mind any length of separation as long as I can feel you love me—"

"Friday night. My Heart's Love—I must write again because I wrote in a great hurry before, thinking you would be just starting—"

"I was only making excuses for myself being so inadequate."

"And I don't mean to let fear get hold of me, but as I care more and more for you I find fear coming nearer—the fear of losing you, and the sense of inadequacy...."

"Sunday My Beloved—Your wonderful letter came today—it fills me with happiness—I love you my dearest every moment and in every thought—"

"Monday 2 letters from you when I got home—one little note written before you started and one from Cox Green—"

"My Darling Loved One—I am glad you were happy in the country—it was beautiful, and I was happy too."

"There is a sort of alchemy of defeat that one has to learn: how to turn defeat into victory—Think of Allen: ...."

The letter as published in SLBR contains a transcription error.

"Wed. My Beloved—I loved your letters this morning."

"Wed. night late My Colette, I do love you so profoundly—I must send you one word of tender thoughts before I go to bed—"

"Friday night My Beloved—Your dear letter was here just now when I got in."

"Sunday night My Dearest Darling—I can't tell you (and I couldn't hint over the phone) how terribly disappointed I am about today—" 

"A thought came to me: will you come to Russia with me when the war is over? We could get to know all the leading revolutionaries—no one there cares about respectability—it would be amazingly interesting—and a real refreshment to the spirit—"

"I am reading Freud on dreams, most exciting—I see in my mind's eye a great work on how people come to have the opinions they have—". There is a good passage on BR's project of work on psychology of opinion.

"You should be an inspirer or strong men ... —you should catch the fire from Tcheidze and Lenin."

The letter as published in SLBR contains transcription errors.

"Thursday" "My Darling Loved One—Here I am, hurrying back from Dartmoor, where I think I was fairly successful—"

"Just one line My Darling—in great haste—sorry your thoughts have been troubled—I don't know any reason why they should be."

"Wed. My Loved Darling—The wonderful happiness of yesterday evening has remained with me, a glow of warmth in my heart—"

"My Beloved—Thank you for your dear letter this morning."

"My Dearest Darling—Your dear letter has just come."

"Thurs. My Beloved—I have only one moment—yesterday evening was infinitely wonderful—the joy of it lives in me—I feel filled full of happiness and love."

"Friday My Beloved—I am sorry you are suffering so much—you ought never to have run up to the top of King's Chapel—"

On the arrangements for travel to Leeds: "I find the whole world is travelling by that train tomorrow."

"My Beloved—Your wonderful letter came very soon after I got back here—I cannot tell you how I loved it—"

"Wed. My Darling—Thank you for your little letter this morning—I quite understand that everything must depend on Miles these next days—if you will not be free tomorrow, I won't let myself mind too much."

"Sunday My Beloved—I found your dear little letter when I got home from Manchester tonight—my dearest Darling, my thoughts have been with you every moment." "Last night we had a meeting of about 700 people, raided by the military."

The meeting was in Manchester, 9 June, and reported.

"Thurs. My Dearest Dear—Thank you thank you for your letter this morning—I won't talk about you—it will be lovely to be quiet together and read—and then sleep—yes, let it be 7 at my flat—I shall go straight there from our meeting at Mrs Maurer's."

"Yesterday I took a new memorandum (for publication) to Mrs. Hobhouse, who was just going to Downing Street."

"In the evening I dined with Littlewood...."

"Tuesday mg" "My Beloved—It was dear of you to write yesterday—I loved your letter—I didn't mind your mood Sunday evg—I put it down to the heat—"

"The White Horse Sunday night" "My Dearest Darling—Thank you for your dear dear letter yesterday mg." "Mrs. H.'s news."

[Letter is dated by BR "Sunday night 23 June 1917"; Sunday was the 24th in 1917.]

"Thursday My Darling Loved One—It was a wonderfully happy time—but terribly short."

"Measles here returning Paddington seven fifteen meet me if possible Russell."

"I have masses of writing to do—I have done an introduction to C.A.'s booklet, and an article on education—I am in the midst of an article for an American periodical and a long memoir for F.B. Meyer...." [The Majesty of Conscience?]

(The introduction to Allen is in Papers 14: #46; Allen's booklet was not published. The articles on education and for a U.S. periodical are B&R C17.49 and C17.55; for the latter, see BR's letter to Malleson of 10 July 1917. The memoir for Meyer may be his The Majesty of Conscience, published in September 1917, but BR's part in it (if any) has not been identified.)

"I have just promised to do a Herald article Sat." [i.e. the 7th].

"Tuesday" "I finished dictating an article [B&R C17.55] for The Seven Arts—an American magazine—then wrote my Tribunal article [12 or 19.7.17] and polished up the stuff for F.B. Meyer ... then I wrote an account [B&R C17.42] of the German crisis for the Herald".

Siegfried Sassoon.

BR has decided to join the I.L.P. "at last!".

"Tuesday night. My Darling, I have just found your wonderful letter—you mustn't feel self-loathing."

"Friday aft." "My Beloved—The wonderful happiness of our last time together clings to me like the memory of music."

Siegfried Sassoon.

"My Darling—I will be at my flat between 6.30 and 7—tried to get you on the telephone but failed—great haste. My loved one I long for this evening. B"

"Friday My Darling—It is dreadful that you are so unhappy about work."

"Friday night My Beloved—I am very unhappy, feeling I wrote you a horrible letter—please forgive me—"

Malleson noted: "This envelope must belong to a different letter".

"Sunday My Darling—I was very much relieved by the note Miles brought me yesterday from you—I felt I had been horrid—"

"My Darling—This is a purely practical letter."

"My Dearest Darling—I am so longing for you."

Until 17 Aug. 1917 BR and Colette are away together.

"In the train. Friday. My Beloved—What can I find to say that will be any way worthy?"

[Letter posted in Banbury, Oxon.]

A literary version of this letter was prepared with extra text, document .052360, record 99814. The address was changed from "The train" to "Gordon Square".

"Sat. aft." "Unwin has sent me in ms. a very interesting set of letters from a C.O.—which he is thinking of publishing as a book."

Re Arthur Graeme West, The Diary of a Dead Officer (1919).

"Sunday night" "It is odd, I find myself longing to go back to philosophy—full of ideas about it—feeling I could settle down and do excellent work at it if you were with me enough—"

"Monday" "Today I had a terrific field-day with Miss Kyle—finished the Ploughshare article—wrote a front-page Tribunal article—and 50 million letters (approximately). I am reading May Sinclair's Defence of Idealism for review—it is not very bad."

"Tuesday" Getting proofs of a new vol. of philosophical essays*: "most of them are an attempt to picture the external world in which I try to live. I must get back to philosophy—"

*Mysticism and Logic

"Wed. aftn." "My Darling—Your letter of yesterday came this mg.—I was overjoyed to get it—it is the bright moment of my day when your letter comes."

"First" essay in Mysticism and Logic is the best in style (about science). [BR means the 2nd essay, "Science as an Element in Culture".]

"Friday My Dearest Darling—I was very glad to get your letter this morning, but I am sorry for what you say about Miles."

"Sat." Philosophical lectures every Thursday in Oct. and Nov.—perhaps will grow into a book. [They became Introduction to Mathematical Philosophy.]

"Sunday My Darling it was lovely to get your dear little letter when I arrived yesterday—none came this morning but I shall hope to find one at Gordon Sq. tomorrow."

"Monday" Reading a book on psychoanalysis and thinking about philosophical lectures.