BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [11 MAR. 1917]
BRACERS 19134. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<London>

My Beloved1^, 2

I wonder whether Brighton3 is doing you any good at all, or merely tiring you more — I keep hoping that the air will do you good in spite of everything.

I spent today, in spite of the rain,4 walking in the country with a friend called Arthur Dakyns,5 whom I used to know very well, but hadn’t seen for some time till I met him the other night by chance. He told me a long story about a girl he had wanted to marry, but she wanted to live with him for a time only, without marrying, and he refused. He seemed to have been quite surprised by her suggestion. He is rather old-fashioned.

Miss Marshall6 keeps on scolding me for not working harder, and I retort by scolding her for working too hard. It will end in her taking a holiday and my taking on her jobs. She is destroying herself. She is probably right in scolding me — I am certainly right in scolding her. I should become insane if I did not manage to get my mind away from war things sometimes. But I expect I am too self-indulgent.

Dear one, my thoughts keep on turning to you, more and more. Your love strengthens and supports me so wonderfully — and heaven knows I need strengthening. I know you care for what is best in me. Since the hopes of peace came to nothing, I have felt terribly beaten — it has seemed to destroy one’s energy and one’sa determination — I am gradually getting over the feeling, and the thought of you has been a very great help. One needs such long slow courage, and I feel you have it.

O my Dearest, I do want you so much. I want your arms about me. I want to lie in your arms and feel warmth come into my heart. My dear dear dear love, I am yours in all my being.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200108.

• 2

  [date] Colette wrote in a note adjacent to the letter: “This letter must have been written just before he got my letter from Brighton which is dated 12 March” (BRACERS 113000).

• 3

  Brighton Colette was recuperating from an illness, staying with her husband Miles at the Royal Crescent Hotel in Brighton. They were later joined by Colette’s mother, Priscilla, who was footing the bill.

• 4

  the rainThe Times reports there was snow in early March 1917, so the date of this letter is more likely to have been written in mid-March 1917.

• 5

  Arthur Dakyns Dakyns (1883–1941), a barrister, had been befriended by BR when Dakyns was an Oxford undergraduate and the Russells were living at Bagley Wood. BR once described Dakyns to Gilbert Murray as “a disciple” (16 May 1905, BRACERS 79178) and wrote warmly of him to Lucy Donnelly as “the only person up here (except the Murrays) that I feel as a real friend” (1 Jan. 1906; Auto. 1: 181). During the First World War Dakyns enlisted in the Royal Army Medical Corps and served in France. BR had become acquainted with the H. Graham Dakyns family, who resided in Haslemere, Surrey, after he and Alys moved to nearby Fernhurst in 1896. He corresponded with both father and son.

• 6

  Miss Marshall Catherine Marshall (1880–1961). For further information on her, see BRACERS 19043, n.5.

Textual Notes

• a

  felt terribly beaten — it has seemed to destroy one’s energy and one’s The letter was trimmed at the top. The reason for trimming the sheet is unknown. These words of BR’s, if they are his, which would have been at the top of the verso, were added back in Colette’s hand at the foot of the recto.