"Wed."

"Thursday evg."

"Sunday"

"Hotel Phoenix" "Monday"

"Tuesday"

"Wed."

"Thurs."

"Friday"

"Sat."

"Saturday night"

"Grand Hotel"

"In train to Stockholm"

"Carlton Hotel"

"Carlton Hotel"

"Carlton Hotel"

"In train to Oslo Sunday"

"In train Oslo to Bergen"

[Letter is pmk. Bergen, Norway.]

"In train Bergen to Oslo"

[Letter is pmk. Oslo, Norway.]

Letter is enclosed with BR's letter of 23 Oct. 1935 to Patricia Russell.

"Savoy Hotel"

"Savoy Hotel"

"Savoy Hotel"

"The West Lodge"

"In the Tube"

"Tuesday"

"Royal Hotel"

"King's Arms Hotel"

"King's Arms Hotel"

"King's Arms Hotel"

"King's Arms"

"Argonaut" "Southern Pacific" in the desert of Arizona.

"Argonaut" "Southern Pacific" "Sunday" "On the Rio Grande"

"Missouri Pacific Lines" On the way to Baton Rouge.

"The Pan-American Louisville and Nashville Railroad" "Evg." en route to Nashville.

"Hotel Hermitage"

[Letter is enclosed with document .106125.]

"The Pan-American Louisville and Nashville Railroad" en route to Cincinnati.

"Hotel Cleveland"

"Hotel Cleveland" "Easter Sunday"

"The Biltmore"

"Six Boulder Lane"

[The home of L. Emmett Holt, Jr.]

"The President The Congressional Pennsylvania Railroad at Wilmington Del. on way to New York"

"Hotel Bellevue"

"Sunday"

"Monday"

"212 Loring Avenue"

"The Quadrangle Club"

"(Copy)"

"Dear Alys I wish it were my duty to come to luncheon tomorrow but alas this is one of the cases where enlightened self-interest and universalistic Hedonism part company."

"Dear Alys I have just got your letter wh. is very disappointing: but from the tone I gather still a few fragments of hope."

"Dear Alys I am delighted you are coming."

[BR's ms. on "Wishes and Opinions" follows his more formal essay "Die Ehe". The latter is filed separately. "Wishes and Opinions" concerns sexual relations and is not printed in SLBR.]

Ethics. McTaggart's pamphlets.

McTaggart's pamphlet. Stolen pleasures. Will read Green after Bradley's Logic and Kant's Prolegomena.

[Fitzgerald.]

"Dear Alys I shall be able to come up on Wednesday as nothing has been arranged in my absence."

Tell his people of their relation? Reading Green. Sickert and Mackower here.

"10.30 p.m." He told grandmother it is not an "engagement". Alys didn't like the Walt* (apparently sexual). He must confess the sins of his dead self. Marriage. T.H. Green.

*[Whitman.]

Grandmother getting used to it, but aunt objecting by letter. Should he criticize T.H. Green for her in an essay? His Director of Studies at Cambridge recommends being as critical as possible.

[Alys let her mother read this letter.]

Their correspondence. Expressing sentiment. Her mother has visited his grandmother. Won't tell Logan [Pearsall Smith]. Criticism of his paper on T.H. Green for including his own views, which are of no interest philosophically but are those of the younger men at Cambridge. Role of pleasure in ethics. Miss Bonte Amos. Maurice Amos. Charles P. Sanger.
 

"Dear Alys I am very sorry I cannot come tomorrow."

Very satisfactory conversation with her yesterday. Given her a novel with character Irina. Let's form practice of having a book going which both are reading. His next will be Paulsen's Einleitung in die Philosophie, which he suggests for her. Reading Sand's Elle et Lui. Hasn't been photographed since he was 11, when he was called fatty by his friends. She's going to Chicago; he to Cambridge tomorrow for the new term, more fit than ever for a good grind. Pleasure of talk at Cambridge.

Thank heaven he hasn't caused her to depart from her principles. Love not degraded by sex, as he once said in the Society. Oct. 9: tore up her letter saying she was coming to Cambridge, thinking it silly to indulge a hopeless sentiment. Arranging his people's letters. Influencing people: persuaded a friend to turn teatotaller. G. Dickinson including him in a political theory society; doesn't know what (if any) theoretic basis his opinions have—probably all temperament. Davieses didn't get fellowships, which went to those who stick to shop and eschew intelligence in any form. J. McTaggart.

[Teetotaller.]

"10 p.m." McTaggart has killed time in this month's Mind, but still it drags on while she's in America. Women and work vs. marriage. "And nothing on earth makes people so unsympathetic as solitude: the most sympathetic in old age I am sure are those who have had a chequered life of joys and sorrows, not those who have always had to fight against all their natural impulses and cravings." His aunt. Craving for sympathy becomes an overmastering passion. Read half of Paulsen: faith and knowledge. Lady Henry Somerset. Won't write until Alys is back.

Observed arrival and departure of [transatlantic] mail in the papers. Would have enjoyed temperance meetings, though can't take philanthropy very seriously. Personal God impossible for him; Pantheism a better faith. McTaggart wrote him on religion. Faith. Exams taught him to swear. Wants to read her mother's book with her. Music more delightful than poetry to him. A glorious concert transported him. Practical work vs. academic hair-splitting.

Proofs of [his?] photos. Glorious two days together.

McTaggart and Muirhead. Encloses [not here] short explanation of his former views on marriage. Dreading going to Germany.

"Thursday" re visit.

"10.20 p.m." Aunt's attitude. His selfishness yesterday. [Shame not explained. Writing much less controlled than usual.]

Her conscience is easy now.

Honours his grandmother almost to idolatry: she has borne almost unique succession of sorrows. Englishmen and the expression of feeling. Sent Logan bundle of old clothes and £16 collected from friends [for coal-strikers]. Writing "Can We Be Statesmen?" No reasonable grounds for political opinions. Written essay for Sidgwick to prove our desires are not always for pleasure. Read on Der Dingbegriff. Alys has visited his grandmother.

BR to visit Alys (though she has a class). Alys's mother has talked with his grandmother. Reason in politics. Reception of his paper at Society. Ibsen's Comedy of Love. McTaggart and love. Gave £2 12 shillings and sixpence himself [to the strike fund?], which was not excessive.

"Dec. 2-3 midnight" Brother, Aunt Maude Stanley and cousin Margaret Stanley visiting. Went with them to Newnham. Newnham vs. Girton (which requires two cards). Had two essays to do the first three days of the week: "In one of which I tried to defend Kant against metageometry and Ward"; wonders what Ward will say. Finished Anna Karenina. Shakespeare's Sonnets. Loves Dante. Will bring his copy with J. Carlyle's prose translation. Next novel: Simple Histoire by Gauteharoff. Wrote Logan Pearsall Smith.

"Sunday" "My Dear Alys Monday by all means: I should be sorry to make you give up your Sunday class...."

Love vs. duty. No engagement.
 

"Will arrive ... Monday".

Great meeting. Begun work again. Also begun La Confession. His Swiss governess [Dora Bühler] was here: very sympathetic. Grandmother (and others) don't understand meeting and not being engaged. Next meeting.

"1 a.m." Had a very disappointing letter from Alys. He wrote down the arrangement they made at Friday's Hill. Patience. If people had known how despicable he was.

[This letter is enclosed with BR's letter later the same day. This one is written on paper with postmarked Belgian stamps with a signature of H. Rochatent (?) on bottom.]

"10 30 a.m. My Dear Alys The enclosed is not a bill as you might suppose but a letter as you will find on opening it. I could find nothing else to write on last night."

"My Dear Alys Since I wrote to you last I have got hold of my father's journals: I send you some extracts."

Felt as if the book were another self speaking to him. Encloses extracts but wants them back because of the shorthand they are his key to.

"10.30 p.m." Conquering doubt by an act of will. Not intellect he cares about in people. His worst fault—self-concern. His people irritated that he doesn't consult their judgment even over going to Germany. His father's friendship with a girl who died. His father's experiences becoming his own.

Meeting. Opened his mother's diary for 1864. The Amoses. Love vs. being in love. Sudermann's Frau Sorge and Der Katsensteg. "Die Axiome der Geometrie" "P.S. A Merry Xmas!" [Christmas]

[Amos]

Cousin's analysis of their relationship. Get into front of train.

After her letter, "living all day in a dream of heavenly joy".

Meeting Alys (and class) at Burlington House, after visiting Joachims. Their resolution, "but it was perfect" [must be the day they spent kissing]. Reading Mssrs. Golovleff. Ralph Vaughan Williams. Enjoyed dancing at Grant Duffs' last night. Clara quoted long passages from Nietzsche. Thanks [Mariechen] for her good opinion. Things becoming very strained at home.

His people always change plans at last moment. Would like to let the world wag its silly tongue to its heart's content. Month's absence. "I have been writing an essay on the ethical bearings of psychogony in which I have pointed out the very serious advantages of suttee: this combined with a cold in my head makes me very stupid tonight." Splendid being able to talk about everything.

"Tuesday night" Kept her up late 2 nights (perhaps writing). She's told sister Lion. Her taking advantage of his age! He needs solitude. Is a house for the homeless? Admired Friday's Hill. Maurice. "If I had been in his place I would have repeated the whole conversation word for word." Fountain (the man). Crompton and girls. "... all the disturbing distracting tumultuous elements of my love seem to have vanished and to have left a feeling of pure, calm, intense happiness...."

His private theatricals: may have danced a waltz instead of a polka. De Musset. Reading Kielland (a Norwegian). Aunt Maude Stanley's proposed trip to Rome with him end of March. Two more maternal journals, re 1867-71. "It is nice saying thee: to me it marks thee off in language from the rest of the world in a way that makes a delightful symbol of deeper things." Finished "My Pets the Axioms"; beginning Lotze's Metaphysik.

"1.30 a.m." [BR mss. 1 leaf is a dialogue between Russell and Tansley beginning "Awful thought!"; the other is a mathematics problem.]

Recants on what a house is for: maybe a hotel, maybe not. "I have always been in a state of internal uproar...." "I forget when I wrote thee that I had always considered the very thing thee wishes as an important thing gained by marriage, and I think I even put it into my paper I once gave thee on the subject." Tries never to act on his first thoughts. "... my tastes are of such a flabby flexible nature that they very soon become those of anybody I am fond of." Paris plan. Marsh elected tonight. Crompton to read a paper on Socialism. Discussed vice and its regulation tonight. Now early dawn, "before seven". "I love the dawn more than any other time of day but hardly ever see it." Lotze's Metaphysik. Loves this place where irrelevant subjects are discussed. Getting alarmed about Tripos. Mustn't allow love to appear to interfere with work. Enclosing [not there] 2 letters: from Grandma and former Governess. Difference between growing intimate with men and women.

"Wednesday morning" On Arthur G. Tansley.

Liked Frau Sorge. Romanes on Weissmann. "I am much too old a hand to worry about such things!" [such as his upcoming Tripos exam]; "I wonder why I go in for them." The Shelley is out of print but bookseller expects to get a new copy in a few days. Paris—will make a great effort to study pictures with her. Always totally devoid of ideas in the morning.

"12.30 p.m." More arrangements to meet in Paris after Rome. Told Amos. "I could hardly reconcile it to my conscience to have children brought up as Christians." Does she think her religious opinions are founded on something more than her wishes? Place of work in life. "Work alone would only be enough for a machine it seems to me, not for a human being." Reading Hobbes, Spinoza and Descartes on the passions. Now passion is in itself regarded—even by Bradley—as a good thing (explicitly anti-Spinoza). "But I wish I had got hold of Spinoza two years ago instead of Thomas à Kempis: he would have suited me far better: he preaches a rich voluptuous asceticism based on a vast undefined mysticism, which even now has seized hold of my imagination most powerfully." Crompton's [Llewelyn Davies] paper last night (scrappy). BR obviously pro-Socialist. 7-mile walk every day. Done lots of work—all shop.

*[Ll. Davies.]

"Wed." "12 noon" Rightness of their marriage.

"... whatever my faults, I am not sensual, and I believe the temptation would not be greater to me, but rather less, than to most men." Has had more practice with self-control than most young people. Religion. Ward. God infinitely wicked. Couldn't see her for years if she decided not to marry. Has always been superstitious "and the form it takes is always believing that what I dread will happen." 15-mile walk plus concert in order to get to sleep. Reading Browning. Will send her his scraps of a journal—ashamed of it on whole. Grandmother. Read Lady Henry [Somerset's] paper.

"Thursday" "4.40 p.m." Over his disturbance.