"Betw. Richm. and London" "11 a.m." Visit most useful and satisfactory. "I conveyed to her that we didn't mean to sleep together which pleased her." Grandmother satisfied with three months. Returning for an hour or two before going abroad Friday night. The Tragic Muse.

"8.30 a.m." Family of his friend Maud. Settled to go Friday morning.

"Wed. evening" Good if Alys goes on school-board. Send as many documents as she likes to Edith Thomas. Maud's deplorable home-life. Encloses letter to Maud's Miss Young [not there, filed with #17]. Loves Alys more and more, "but calmly and purely thanks to our wonderful discovery".

"8.30 a.m." Distressed reference to enclosed must be to Granny's letter of 29.8.94. Send telegram yes or no on enclosed. Will stay here at least until day after tomorrow.

[From San Francisco] Wants Alys to put Mary[?] up for a club while at Newnham.
 

"Dear Maud—Why have you never written to me yet?"

Holograph copy in BR's hand which he sent to Alys.

"Monday evening" Safely away from P.L. "Affection without understanding is one of the greatest curses in life...." Customs overlooked baccy [tobacco] in his bag. Nearly finished vol. 1 of Miss Brown; better than Miss Paget would lead one to expect. Kinsellas. Delights in solitude. Train-talk.

"Tuesday evening" First day in Paris. "I arrived at the Embassy about 10.30, after walking about the streets some time in the glorious morning sunshine, and listening to the melancholy street-cries of people with artichokes or fruit or other things to sell...." Impressionistic account of Ambassador's room! Was handed letter from Alys and one from John Morley [about secretaryship?]. Enclosed but return. [Not present]. Phipps, Harding and Dodgson. "Dodgson instructed me in the art of reading the French papers and marking passages of importance to be cut out and sent to the F.O.; also in the official cipher, concerning which, as I am writing to a foreigner, I had better not say another word!" At lunch, "tasted alcohol (in the shape of a beer) for the first time since the Society's dinner in June 1892." No one at Embassy offensive (yet). Kind of John Morley to offer, but must of course refuse it. Alys's theories about married life, "Nothing is more youthful than crude dogmas as to conduct...." "Complete self-renunciation is always wrong: one must assert oneself enough to do one's work and to get (if possible) a modicum of happiness out of life—". His ambition increases, as she leads him to believe in himself. Love of man and woman can be religious. "I am a theorist, and keep my unselfishness largely for theory." Anniversary of coming to Friday's Hill.

"Wed." "11.20 p.m." Lord Terence. Herbrand. Carpenter on Marriage. "Any improvement in the great mass of women is only through Socialism, and it is this discovery which has made me a Socialist." Co-education. Not good for young men to have sex with prostitutes before marriage. Puberty: "If the mystery were removed, half the morbid lust which belongs to that period would be removed with it.... Oh it is scandalous, what suffering and wrong-doing I might have been spared by ten minutes candid instruction." Now very pure. Women: they think sex is shocking, which is only the other face of impurity. Would almost like to start co-educational school for the purpose of applying his theories. Would like to send her history of his knowledge of sex up till time of his fancy for Fitz's sister. Encloses letter to Lord Dufferin: "Thee may give it to Logan as an instance of the advantages of re-writing!" Bought a catalogue of Louvre pictures.

"Thursday morning" No work but copying to do. Can't find lodgings; will stay here until Terence [?] gives him his. Lion; and G. Wallas. "I am ever so sorry to have been already established here when J. Morley's offer came: that would have been 1000 times more interesting, and my companions would have been more in my line...." Gratitude. Phillimore. Miss Brown not improper to his "blunted palate"; about aesthetes. Encloses letter from his bedmaker. Nothing as bad as his last term at Southgate. Reluctant to ask questions of her.

"I enclose a few extracts from my journal—I will send more, or write from memory, as thee prefers." Encloses letters [not there]; return two from Lord Dufferin. Embassy likes his large round copying hand. "If it would not be too shocking, I feel much moved to put down realistically (for thee alone) my early speculations as to what sexual matters might be.... Perhaps thee could do the same for me.... I should like above all things to make a crusade against the mysteries made by the old people about such things...."

"10 a.m." Reading her letter over his coffee. "I have had no Bohemia for four weeks today, and it would be refreshing and it would be associated with thee." Morley position and grandmother. Working. Dodgson. Miss Brown.

"9.30 a.m." Alys gets his letters two days later if he writes in morning. Walked through Quartier Latin (where he and Alys spent their time in spring). Present part of Paris associated with his first visit when he realized he hated Fitz and loved his sister. Dined with Phipps after two hours' work. Mrs. Harding. Racing. Frightfully conventional.

"I have come to the conclusion that I can get on with most women, but only with very few men." He'd love Logan to introduce him to Whistler. "Goodbye my Dearest, my life, my joy, my religion."

"8.30 a.m." Kinsellas' for a few days. Sturgess, Conder. "I can't talk art any better than sport, and yet I never feel out of it among people talking art;...."

"Sunday night in bed." "My Darling Alys—Although of course I have not had a letter from thee today, I have had a very happy day—the first really enjoyable day since our separation." Partying at Kinsellas'. Sturgess.

"Tuesday morning" Playing host to newlyweds. Sturgess's virginity. She loves him most, he's sure, for his gift of purity. He couldn't marry again without feeling it all a mockery. One of the charms of their marriage will be that he can have intimate friendships with women without danger. Romeo and Juliette at opera. Miss Belloc. Her address to Y's [YWCA]: "So nice and dry, which is what I always love!" Carpenter on vacuous wives and clever husbands. "I think perhaps thee had better destroy the last two sheets of what I sent thee yesterday, but do as thee thinks right."

"5 p.m. Tuesday" Despairing. Grandmother not grateful at all. Costelloe and Dr. Bull. Encloses grandmother's letter and one from Marsh [not present]. "—I only said 'for thee alone' because the sort of [sexual?] reminiscences I had thought of writing before would have been for Logan too if he had cared for them, and would have made some sort of literary effort as well, vain as that would have been. Perhaps I will write them yet."

"Wed. morning" Talked metaphysics all evening with Costelloe. Cottage by sea. "Skating is a passion with me". What will she do while he studies in Berlin? Replied to grandmother, pointing out his troubles. Reading Galton and James. Sturgess.

"7.30 p.m." Going to opera with old Phipps. Morley's offer. "I enclose a few reminiscences—not very pleasant, but shewing the harm of neglect on the part of elders. After that time, thee knows my history pretty well." [Not present.]

Her reminiscences of her sexual education. His own. Southgate. Parisian prostitutes; loathes the town's atmosphere. Discussed Darwinism with Costelloe, irritating: "I can well understand poor Mariechen being nearly ready to murder him." Dislike of Paris. Kate and Louise [Kinsella?]. Moves into lodgings over Embassy tomorrow. Had a nice letter from Lion.

"Thursday evening" Glad to have moved into these nice rooms. "Though I curse the aristocracy, they have saddled me with their bad habits, and I cannot approach happiness without a servant."

"9.00 a.m." "I have destroyed those two pages of thy letter." "... I'm very glad to have no more need of self-help." (Re servant.) "I don't see why thee should say I'm more to thee than thee to me on account of my work, for if I ever get any good work done, it will be solely due to thee...."

"6 p.m." Sturgess. Schopenhauer "the Byron of Metaphysics". Galton and Socialism.

"Very sorry addressed Haslemere by mistake Bertrand".

"8.30 p.m." Tempest. Made himself some tea.* Sturgess's experiences. Robinson. Wedding nights. Sturgess. Purity. Shakespeare's Sonnets. Keen to work.

[Crawshay-Williams, take note!]

"Sunday evening" Charmed to set Lion a logic paper. Reading Shelley, except when copying dispatches (four or five hours today). To have supper with Fitz.

"Monday" "10 a.m." Fitz. "I believe he had forgot all about our ancient quarrels, and that he grew fond of me at Cambridge and is still fonder of me now, because sorrow makes one sentimental: I always knew he had a very affectionate disposition, and I feel rather a brute to lay old scores up against him—I am sadly unforgiving."

"Tuesday morning" Last night's restaurant, he's too fastidious. His "work varies from two to five hours, usually with intervals for talk...." "It consists of copying dispatches, varied occasionally by a telegram to cipher or decipher. It is not interesting, but passes the time...." Reading The Lady of Arrostock. Hates the French. Seeing Fitz again (they lodged together during last term at Southgate). The Good Samaritan incident (?). Did a lot of good work during his month at Friday's Hill. "I think I had better work at social questions and economics alone while we are in Germany" and chuck the Fellowship. Phillimore.

"9.30 a.m." Purity. Romantic love and sex. "Human perfection's" [Agatha's] utterances on the subject. "Her view is that of course passion is impure and bad...." Sturgess. Nietzsche.

"Thursday morning" "My Dearest Alys—When thee gets this our 6th week will be up, and then in another 3 1/2 days we shall be half-way through!"

"Dearest Granny—I'm all right again now so I don't need to see a Dr."

[Marked "Copy" in BR's hand.]

"My Dear Maud—I own I was a good deal disappointed by yr letter which I received last night—"

[Marked "Copy" in BR's hand.]

"Friday morning" "My Darling Alys—6 weeks today—joyful thought!"

"Friday evening" "My Darling Alys—I have nothing to say tonight, and besides I am fearfully sleepy—still I will try and write some sort of letter."

"My Darling Alys—By some stupid mistake thy lovely letter of Thursday was never brought me last night—I spoke to the valet-de-chambre about it when he brought it me this morning, and I don't think it is likely to occur again, but I'm sorry I didn't have it to answer yesterday instead of having to write about nothing—besides it wd. have been so lovely to think about in bed."

"5.30 p.m. My Dearest Alys—I have a foolish hope I may hear from thee again tonight, tho' I know in my heart that I shan't—thy letter this morning was rather unsatisfying."

"Sunday evening" "My Beloved Alys—I wrote thee a foolish letter this afternoon, wh. I was sorry for as soon as it was gone—there was really no cause for so much fuss—still I was glad just now on coming in from dinner to find that thy letter of yesterday had come tonight instead of tomorrow."

"Monday afternoon" "My Dearest Alys—It is very nice to be dating Oct.—it seems to mark such a stage in the process of living through our time."

"Midnight" "My Beloved Alys—It was impossible to write betw. the acts, but I will celebrate the moment of passing the middle of our separation by a midnight letter."

"Tuesday morning" "My Dearest Alys—Since it has such a good affect on thy headache and spirits, and makes thee write such lovely letters, I think thee had better stay in bed the rest of the time!"

"My Darling Alys—Thee is altogether too humble—I'd begun almost to hope thee wd. sit on me for writing such a silly letter."

"Thursday" "2 p.m. My Beloved Alys—Thy two letters and thy journal have given me great pleasure, and I'm glad thee was not too humble to have a little fling at my folly."

"Dearest Alys I never said anything of the sort—no time for more."

"Friday afternoon" "My Dearest Alys—For some reason thy letter didn't arrive till 11 this morning, but I discovered there was a post then, so I waited patiently."

"Friday" "10 p.m. My Beloved Alys—At last I am free after a day of perpetual work—I've only just done with the telegrams to cypher and decypher—and can write a longer reassurance than in my scrawl this evening—"

"Wed. morning" "My Dearest Joy—It seems almost superfluous to write letters after our last heavenly days."

"Thursday" "My Darling—8 weeks from today we shall be married!"

"Thursday" "9 p.m. My Darling—I found thy letter on returning from the Embassy at 6.30, having had a very busy day there."

"Friday" "10 a.m. My Darling Alys—Thy letter this morning was a joyful surprise—I had expected woman's curse wd. produce, as it usually does, a short bored letter with nothing nice in it—instead of wh. thy letter is lovely—I am so glad thee is in good spirits in spite of being unwell."

"Sat." "10 a.m. My Darling—Thy letter about Evelyn is heart-rending—it has filled my eyes with tears merely to read it, and it must have been really horrible for thee."

"Sat." "2 p.m. Dearest Alys I enclose some letters wh. please return."

"Sunday" "10.30 a.m. My Darling—Thy letter this morning is a great pleasure, tho' I don't know what I can have done to shew unselfishness at our last meeting."

"Monday" "10 a.m. My Darling—The London posts have prevented my having any letter since yesterday morning, but I hope for two tonight, and will write again, a short letter, this evening, unless some unforeseen circumstance prevents me."

"Monday" "12 midnight My Beloved Alys—Sturgess has been here again since tea-time, and now I am so tired that I mustn't write a long letter tho' I shd. like to."

[Calling card is Frank Russell's with "Miss Pearsall Smith" written on it.]

"Tuesday" "10 a.m. My Darling Alys—The horrible question is no doubt one of amazing importance, but I can't get up much enthusiasm either way."

"Wed" "10.30 a.m. My Dearest Alys—M. has not turned up yet, so that as her train was due 8.44 I have nearly given up hope—if she doesn't come I shall be very vexed with her for not telegraphing."

"Wed." "11.55 p.m. My Darling Alys—It is quite time I went to bed, especially as I have been on my legs an enormous lot today—but I don't think my letter this morning was very satisfying, and thine this evening was very nice, so I must write again."

"Thursday" "12.30 p.m. My Dearest Alys I stayed in bed till after 10 this morning, so I had no time to write before coming round here."

"Thursday" "6.30 p.m. My Beloved Alys—I cannot wait till I have thy letter to answer, as I have to go to dinner and the play with Phipps and his young puppy of a son, to my intense annoyance, and I don't want to sit up late again, as I shall have a busy day and a short night tomorrow."

"My Dearest Alys Whenever thee goes away, G.A. [God Almighty] takes to displaying his attributes: today it is his grim humour, by making April fools of us all with this snow."

"My Dearest Alys I hate being reduced to letters again, and miss thee much more even than I expected to."

"2.30 p.m. Dearest Alys I had no time to write before leaving this morning, and now I must write quickly as I wish to get my references finished today."

"12.30 p.m. My Darling Alys Owing to my being still here I have not got thy letter this morning, but thy mother has heard from thee, so I am writing to Rothbury."

"My Dearest Alys I'm afraid thee'll get no letters till Rothbury and then thee'll get a whole pile."

"My Dearest Alys I have not heard from thee this morning, but thy mother had a letter, so I know all goes well."

"12.30 p.m. My Dearest Alys I am still here, having had an appointment with the dentist this morning—the last, I am thankful to say."

"2 p.m. My Dearest Alys Thy letter, wh. I found on my arrival, was like Ouida, it comforted me."

"Good Friday" "10.15 a.m. Dearest Alys I can only write a short letter, as the post is going directly—it is very great fun here, and every one is in a laughing humour."

"My Dearest Alys—I was very glad of thy letter yesterday, wh., however, I didn't get till I came home at 5."

"Easter Sunday" "My Dearest Alys I couldn't write today, as there was no post: and what is more serious, I c'dn't hear from thee, so I haven't heard since Friday."

"My Dearest Alys I will only write a line as thee is going to be home tomorrow."

"10 a.m. My Dearest Alys I was very glad to find a letter from thee this morning—I am missing thee more than usual."

"My Darling Alys It was very nice to get such a charming letter from thee this morning: I agree with thee, it is much worse being separated now than it was a year ago."

"My Dearest Alys I got thy letter today and was very glad of it."

"My Dearest Alys—There is no ink and Mariechen is using her stylo, so I have to write in pencil."

"5 p.m. My Dearest Alys, I got thy letter when I came in from my walk this afternoon, and it was a consolation to hear from thee."

"Dearest Alys How unnecessary of me to brag about my reviews, when others keep thee informed!"

"Dearest Alys—This is only a line to enclose a bill wh. ought to be paid tomorrow to get the discount."

"11 p.m. Dearest Alys As there is no proper note paper in these rooms, I have had to fold up the man's scribbling paper—a device wh. I can remember adopting before in writing to thee."

"Dearest A.—The enclosed from Ward is disappointingly brief, but I trust to the truth of Whitehead's report."

"Sat." "Dearest Alys Many thanks for Bonte's letters, which I return."

"My Dearest Alys It is too bad thee is away now, just as the spring has come."

"My Dearest Alys I got thy letter yesterday just as I was starting out on my bicycle, and it was a charming letter."

"My Dearest Alys I shall not write a real letter today, as thee will be home tomorrow, thank heaven!"

"My Dearest Alys I have been feeling ashamed all day of the foolish things I said after breakfast, and since my mood has changed I can scarcely imagine having felt as I did."

"Dearest Alys This is not a proper letter, but only a note about trains."

"12.20 a.m. My Dearest Alys It was very nice to hear from thee today, but I was surprised to find thee apologizing too—there was really no need."

"I had a long talk about shop with Whitehead today...."

"My Dearest Alys My ms. and my baccy arrived safely this morning so I am happy."

"My Dearest Alys I was very glad of thy letter this morning, and had not expected one sooner."

"My Dearest Alys I will write thee a few words, tho' there is no special news."

"My Dearest Alys I was very glad, when I arrived, to get thy p.c., and shortly after I got thy letter with the magazines."

"We rode into Modena last night, and saw the Cathedral in the twilight; today we have had only train."

[Written on letterhead of 5, via Camerata, San Domenico di Fiesole, Florence.]

"Hotel Byron" "My Dearest Alys I have decided, unless I telegraph to the contrary, to come all the way to Florence by train, arriving 5.35."

"My Dearest Alys I arrived here safe and sound last night, tho' Providence did all in its power to hinder me—"

"My Dearest Alys I got thy letter this morning, and was glad to hear of thy prosperity."

"My Dearest Alys The most interesting thing about today is its date—an anniversary to be cherished!"

"My Dearest Alys I am very glad thy Y's did so well, and that thy health is keeping up."