BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 20 JULY 1949
BRACERS 19880. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
Penralltgoch
Llan Ffestiniog
Merioneth1
20 July 1949

My dearest Colette

Two letters2 from you this morning were a great joy — and the Crawshays3 had telephoned your telegram, too. I don’t think you are fair to yourself in comparing yourself to a Japanese dwarf tree!4

All you say about Peter5 saying she still loves me has my entire agreement. Her saying so does not in any degree flatter me! I don’t think she will commit suicide, and I hope some of the harm she has done Conrad6 will grow less while he is with me. The lawyer takes everything he can off me, but he can’t stop Peter telephoning.

Thank you for what you say about your letters and autobiography.7 You should have told me in 1916 that you hated my collars!8 Ottoline9 was braver about the moustache.

I like the Crawshays, and have told them a good deal. Their marriage is certainly happy, and this has limited their experience and capacity for understanding.

What fun about Kenneth Walker and the male genitalia!10

Practical questions: I expect to have Conrad the whole of the summer holidays this year and next; I don’t yet know about Xmas and Easter. After the autumn of next year, I expect to have him half his holiday — probably half summer, all Easter, and none of Xmas — but all this is uncertain.11 I think that if you come to England at any time which is not a school holiday time I shall be available up to a point — but I don’t want to be divorced, so that there would be limits. My reasons against divorce are Conrad and income. This all sounds cold-blooded but I need money — Dora12 and Peter have to be paid, Conrad has to be educated, and I want to help John.13 School holidays, roughly: Dec. 20–Jan. 20; all April; July 20–Sep. 25. Anytime outside these will probably be all right.

Darling your loving letters give me great joy. I am sorry my replies are so inadequate, but I am more or less frozen still by all the shocks. That will pass, as I think you understand. I am very glad of what you say about our walk in Hyde Park14 long ago.

Goodbye dear Love.  This must be my last letter for 2 months, alas.

Your devoted
B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200888.

• 2

  Two letters Probably her letters of 15 and 16 July 1949 (“Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”, BRACERS 113292, 113293).

• 3

  the Crawshays Elizabeth (d. 1977) and Rupert Crawshay-Williams (1908–1977) who married in 1932 and moved to Portmeirion in 1942. Rupert, a teacher and humanist, wrote a memoir, Russell Remembered (Oxford U.P.), in 1970, based on his diaries as BR’s neighbour.

• 4

  Japanese dwarf tree In her letter of 16 July 1949 (BRACERS 113293), she wrote in response to BR’s remark on “separable accidents”: “But in thinking of myself, I saw only one of those small old Japanese trees which go on living for about a hundred years, dwarfish, with sometimes a piece of rock deeply embedded.... But that dwarfish thing has never ceased growing.” In contrast, she compared BR to a “very precious stone ... alive with its own central fire.”

• 5

  Peter Patricia (“Peter”) Russell, née Spence (1910–2004). She and BR were married from 1936 until 1952.

• 6

  Conrad Conrad Sebastian Robert Russell, born 15 April 1937 to BR and his wife Patricia.

• 7

  your letters and autobiography In her letter of 14 July 1949 (“Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”, BRACERS 113291) Colette told him she thought it splendid that he was making progress on his Autobiography. Nothing remains in this edited version of her letter as to what she wrote about the letters.

• 8

  you hated my collars! This remark does not survive in the edited version of her letters (“Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”); it was likely conversation.

• 9

  Ottoline Lady Ottoline Morrell, née Cavendish-Bentinck (1873–1938). For information on her, see BRACERS 19077, n.5.

• 10

  Kenneth Walker and the male genitalia Kenneth Walker (1882–1966), urologist, follower of Gurdjieff and author of many books. Some were written for the medical profession, but others were popular works which attempted to demystify medical and sexual subjects. What passage or comment Colette is referring to is not known.

• 11

  Conrad … holidays … uncertain. Conrad did not get to spend any subsequent holidays with his father.

• 12

  Dora Dora Russell, née Black (1894–1986). She and BR were married from 1921 until 1935. For information on her, see BRACERS 19506, n.3.

• 13

  John John Conrad Russell, born 16 November 1921 to BR and his wife Dora.

• 14

  our walk in Hyde Park What she said about Hyde Park, a large royal park in central London, does not survive in the edited “Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”. The park was previously mentioned twice in their correspondence. In an undated letter probably written on 8 December 1916 (BRACERS 19089), BR suggested taking the tube to Hyde Park corner and walking from there. In a letter written from Brixton Prison on 21 August 1918 (BRACERS 19348), BR asks her: “What is the place you go to in the Park? Have I been there with you ever? You mean Hyde Park?”