Letter 29
BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [27 JUNE 1918]
BRACERS 19317. AL. McMaster. Russell 30 (2010): 114–16
Previous Brixton letter, BRACERS 19334; next letter, BRACERS 46922
Edited by K. Blackwell, A. Bone, N. Griffin and S. Turcon

<Brixton Prison>1
Thursday2

All the letters I have ever had were less wonderful than this one, my Heart’s Comrade, my Beloved, I could not have imagined any letter3 that would so light up my prison cell, and so fill my heart with <burn hole in sheet>pa of joy. I bless you every hour. I do love you to think of me as you <burn hole in sheet>.b I feel so much that way — such a longing to creep into your arms and be at peace. Your arms are so strong and loving and bring such warmth into the depths of my being — I have the most vivid imagining of them and of the touch of your lips. O my dear dear Love, the joy that is before us — I dare not think of it. If you are not in work when I come out we must go to Boismaison. I was afraid you were nervous of letters, from something you said a fortnight ago, so I wrote in a very subdued style4 — and your letter was all the greater joy. As soon as I am safe from being called up, we will give up all attempts at concealment, don’t you think so? — I am sorry for Marie5 — it must have been dreadful for her. Gladys’s letter came this morning, with lovely things from you.6 I always thought Chatsauvage had some likeness to Prince André.7 Did you like Natacha?8 — Miss R. gives news that Miss Wrinch is unhappy9 — I wonder if you could make friends with her, through Miss R? I think she is at No. 10, your square.10 I feel she might like it. — I spend endless time here in day-dreams — not impossible ones — of wonderful things we will do together. We have never been by the sea together. After the war there will be abroad. Some day there will be a country cottage. Quite soon, I hope, there will be Bury Street. — “A heavy burning iron”11 you say — mostly my doing — it is quite wonderful that your love survived that time. It is that that makes me so very very happy now — it makes me feel peace with you. My soul’s joy, I think of you with love and tenderness every moment, and I see the future as a shining joy. I love you with my mind and sober judgment just as much as with my passion — in yourself, as much as in what you are for me. For me you are just the whole difference between life and despair — you give me happiness and gentleness — and through them, the strength one needs for the world at this time. Our future shall be full of greatness as well as joy — what you give me shall be given to the world. Goodbye Beloved. I kiss your eyes and stroke your hair. I want to lay my face against your cheek and feel your arms enfolding me. Goodbye Goodbye my lovely Dear, my Darling.

Notes

Textual Notes

• a

  with <...>p The letter has a hole in the paper (from a cigarette burn) where a word or words had been written; “songs” appears in both typed versions by Colette, but that cannot be what is missing before the visible “p” after the burn. Perhaps it is “a leap”.

• b

  me as you<…> Words are missing from the letter because of a hole made by a cigarette burn. Already gone, they were not transcribed in the typed versions.