BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [4 OCT. 1916?]
BRACERS 19050. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
57 Gordon Square
W.C.1 ^, 2

This is not a letter my dear one only one hasty line to say I have got your letter3 — I am troubled too about the N.C.F.4 — I am troubled about the world — and oh so dreadfully tired — I have been very much in the valley of the shadow — the spirit had deserted me, as it will do quite suddenly, leaving me defenceless against all the painful things in the world. I have had almost nothing to do, having put off everything for Miss M.5 who backed out. That made it worse.

If it is all the same to you, I would rather dine at your house6 tomorrow — I want to talk — if it is fine I should like to walk about the streets — but it would be no use to try and distract my mind — things must be thought through and felt through — and you can help me quite immeasurably if you will.

I am sitting here — it would be like water in the desert to walk to the office with you when you go — Your maid could let me know on the telephone when you are starting. But don’t if it doesn’t suit. — One wants to know the evil of the world without letting it be a weight on one: every now and then it comes crashing down on me and I don’t know how to lift off the burden. It is only a thing of the moment. My love, goodbye.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200015. There is also typed copy, document 201110, numbered “9” which has been crossed out with “10” written beside it.

• 2

  [date] Colette wrote “probably Wed. 4 Oct. 1916” on the letter.

• 3

  got your letter That of 3 October 1916, BRACERS 112938.

• 4

  N.C.F. No-Conscription Fellowship. The trouble was the split between the absolutists and the alternativists among the C.O.s.

• 5

  Miss M. For information on Marshall, see BRACERS 19043, n.5.

• 6

  your house Her flat, 43 Bernard Street, nicknamed “The Attic”.