BR TO PATRICIA RUSSELL, 9 MAY 1949
BRACERS 20357. ALS. McMaster
Proofread by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
Penralltgoch
Llan Ffestiniog
Merioneth
May 9, 1949

Dear Peter

You do not seem quite to realize the situation as regards Conrad. It is not a question of my “throwing him away”, but of his doing this to me. It would be very bad for his character to feel that he could give me orders. Moreover he is utterly mistaken as to the facts. I think you now realize that, until Colette’s letter to me which you opened and read to Conrad, you had no ground of complaint against her: your notions about “plots” etc. were pure delusions. Her letter to me was of course quite indefensible, and I have no doubt that she would now admit this. But she was quite at a loss to understand why you suddenly gave her angry orders which put her to inconvenience and great expense, and she lost her temper. It is not for you to maintain that people are never to be forgiven for what they say when in a temper.

I gather indirectly that Colette has returned to Sweden. Whether I shall ever see her again, I do not know; certainly I am not likely to see her often. That is not the point. The point is that Conrad, having false and melodramatic ideas about Colette,a feels that he has a right to say that he will never see me again unless I do something which I should consider base and immoral. If the disaster, both to him and to me, of a complete estrangement is to be avoided, it can only be by your explaining to him that there had been misunderstandings and tempers lost on both sides,b and that Colette’s anger, though unjustifiable, was not surprising and not permanent. For Conrad’s sake, I hope with all my heart that you will do this.c

I have not the slightest difficulty in “forgiving” Conrad, but I cannot do what he asks. When John ordered me to make friends with his mother, I refused. Your mother said things about me that were quite as bad as what Colette said about you, but you forgave her, quite rightly.

B.R.

Textual Notes

• a

  Colette after deleted (for which you are responsible, since you read him her letter to me)

• b

  there had been misunderstandings and tempers lost on both sides above deleted you had had unjust suspicions

• c

  you will do this before deleted B.R. <new line:> P.T.O.