BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 11 JULY 1949
BRACERS 19879. ALS. McMaster. SLBR 2: #493
Edited by S. Turcon and N. Griffin. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<Ffestiniog, N. Wales>
11.7.491

Dearest Colette

I have been reading over a bundle of old letters (typed)2 that you long ago sent me to Peking. It is strange and uncanny reading them now. I feel, as I read and remember, that I have never lived more intensely than in the best moments of our love.a I think it was bound to be impossible to bring anything so tremendous down to the level of daily life; it would have been like spending all one’s days listening to the C Minor Symphony.3 I still feel that what those letters try to express is the eternal essence of you and me, but what changes is what the scholastics called the “separable accidents”4 (hats as opposed to heads, e.g.). I have always loved you, and always shall love you, but often I have not known what to do about it. There are times when one’s emotions must rest — for me, these last weeks have been such a time. I am in my instincts (tho’ not in my reason) deeply ashamed of having made the same sort of failure with Conrad5 as with John6 and Kate.7 I hate not to be a good parent; it afflicts me almost as shoddy work would do. I am grateful to you for helping to minimize the damage.8 But Conrad has telephoned to me at intervals, and it is clear to me that, at any rate for some years, I cannot be of any use to him.

In some of the typed letters you sent me, our names and addresses are imaginary, but there is nothing else changed,9 is there? I am putting a great many letters into my autobiography; shall I put in these, or would you rather not? I don’t think they could be published (except some, e.g the Russian ones)10 till after my death. I should like the world to know what we were to each other.

Peter11 urges me to return, saying she is still “hopelessly in love” with me. Conrad tells me on the telephone that she fears I no longer love her, and he fears she will commit suicide. I half fear that she will commit suicide leaving a letter saying that my heartless cruelty has driven her to it. But I will not be blackmailed by her. I wish a separation were all fixed up, including finance, but she won’t because she hopes I shall come back to her. I still don’t know whether she will be here in August; if she is, I shall be in London.

John and his wife12 visited me. They are devoting themselves wholly to writing, and I think both may do remarkable work. I enjoyed their visit very much.

Goodnight for now, dearest Colette.  All my love,

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200887.

• 2

  bundle of old letters (typed) Some of these letters were used in the Autobiography instead of the original letters which remained in Colette’s possession. The bundle had been heavily edited by Colette for a literary edition of their letters, which BR decided against publishing when he was in China from 1920 to 1921. Only the fictional names and addresses were corrected in the Autobiography. Changed dates, rewritten and excised text could not be corrected without access to the originals, which BR did not have in all cases. BR did not rely on this bundle. Colette sent him other letters in 1949 which he acknowledged in his letter of 25 July (BRACERS 115501). For information on their literary letters project, see BRACERS 19585, n.6.

• 3

  C Minor Symphony Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5 in C Minor.

• 4

  “separable accidents” Medieval philosophers, following Aristotle, distinguished between a thing’s essential properties (which it could not lose without ceasing to be the thing it was) and its “accidents”, properties it might lose without fundamental change.

• 5

  Conrad Conrad Sebastian Robert Russell, born 15 April 1937 to BR and his wife Patricia.

• 6

  John John Conrad Russell, born 16 November 1921 to BR and his wife Dora.

• 7

  Kate Katharine Jane Russell, born 29 December 1923 to BR and his wife Dora. Her surname changed to Tait upon her marriage.

• 8

  helping to minimize the damage Colette sent a letter to BR, mainly written by him (see BRACERS 19871) and designed to smooth things over between Colette, BR, and Conrad, who had all been pitted against one another by Peter. There are three versions of this draft letter: see BRACERS 19871, n.2. The finished version is not extant.

• 9

  nothing else changed Colette does not answer this in her reply of 15 July 1949 (“Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”, BRACERS 113292). The letters in this typescript have all been edited — with text removed or altered. Thus it is not clear what she told BR, if anything, about the reliability of the texts he ended up using in his Autobiography.

• 10

  Russian ones The Russian ones do appear in the Autobiography (2: 104–8; BRACERS 19660, 19654, 19655, 19656). They were not, however, written while BR was there. They were written after his return and back-dated.

• 11

  Peter Patricia (“Peter”) Russell, née Spence (1910–2004). She and BR were married from 1936 until 1952.

• 12

  his wife Susan Doniphan Lindsay, the daughter of the American poet Vachel Lindsay, who married John in August 1946. She left behind a large file of poetry she had written and a reminiscence of BR, “Lasting Impressions of Bertie Russell”, Russell, 17 (1997): 5–10.

Textual Notes

• a

  our love your love