BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [29 AUG. 1921]
BRACERS 19743. ALS. McMaster. SLBR 2: #350
Edited by S. Turcon and N. Griffin. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
70, Overstrand Mansions,
Prince of Wales Road,
Battersea, S.W.1
Aug 29. 21.2

My Darling

It is not as bad as you feel — yesterday I was all bound in iron bands by the feeling of loyalty to Dora3 — but that won’t be so now that things have been explained as regards my plans — I do not want or intend to kill our love in any way — merely at present I am obsessed by what has to be done owing to the coming child.4 Honestly, I am not dead spiritually, nor likely to be. Do believe this, and do believe that the future will not be as bad as the present. Yesterday was quite infinitely painful — I could not make you understand, and you felt you could not make me. I had not realized till I got home that you did not know I meant to live with Dora. Dear Love, I am so torn in two that I don’t know how to think or feel or speak. But I know what I am doing is right, and in fact the only thing possible. I will get Allen5 to try to make things better — I am a little sorry you will not know Dora because if you realized her as a human being it might be easier for you. But never mind. I trust to time. For now, goodbye my Beloved.

B

• 1

  [document] Document 200749.

• 2

  [date] The date was added to this letter in an unknown hand.

• 3

  Dora Dora Russell, née Black (1894–1986). She and BR were married from 1921 until 1935. For information on her, see BRACERS 19506, n.3.

• 4

  coming child John Conrad Russell, born 16 November 1921.

• 5

  Allen (Reginald) Clifford Allen (1889–1939). He had been BR’s flatmate in Battersea before BR left for China. For information on him, see BRACERS 19046, n.7.