BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 14 MAR. 1919
BRACERS 19454. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<Cuddesdon>
Friday. 14.3.191^, 2

Colette, my loved one, please, please don’t fall back into lonely despair because of my letter.3 Your letter which I got yesterday4 had something new in it, that had not been in you for a long time — and I only felt lonely and unhappy because of your unavoidable withdrawal — One ray of life from you will bring the spring to me, and if you can give that ray of life tomorrow, all will be happiness. Dear one, this has been a time of very great difficulty for us both, but if you can feel as you did in the letter I got yesterday things will be easier, and I shan’t have to be cased in lonely will.

O my lovely one, my Darling, my heart’s Life, don’t withdraw the cup of life from my lips after the new hope you gave yesterday — But if you must, never mind, I can be patient, really I can — Your letter today5 tortures me — I feel so enraged with myself.

Dearest, I love you, and I will be gentle and patient till life returns to you. But while the time lasts, I cannot be happy, or live otherwise by sheer will. But when life returns to you, I shall be ready for you — so please please don’t freeze up again — if you can help it.

I am not having tea with Wrinch6 Sunday, but Monday, after you are engaged. I will not see Gladys7 before 5 on Monday. This is final. You did not endure her those days.8 I have written to her saying Monday 5.

My sweetest, dearest Love, you are so gentle and forgiving. Don’t let the little delicate shoot of joy that was just growing above ground in you be nipped — I have nothing but the tenderest love for you — Your letter this morning has pierced the forced calm I had made for myself — I feel unmanned — but I will get myself in order before tomorrow — You don’t realize how lonely I have been — just as lonely as you — but let us console each other, and be gentle and kind, in the end some kind of joy will return. Bless you, Beloved.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200442.

• 2

  [envelope] The Lady Constance Malleson | 34 Russell Chambers | Bury Street | W.C.1. Pmk: CUDDESDON | 14 MR | 19

• 3

  my letter This letter appears not to be extant; her letter written on 13 March (BRACERS 19453) has nothing objectionable in it. He sent a telegram on 14 March (BRACERS 19453) asking her to forget the letter.

• 4

  Your letter which I got yesterday Not extant.

• 5

  Your letter today Not extant.

• 6

  Wrinch Dorothy Maud Wrinch (1894–1976), mathematician and theoretical biologist.

• 7

  Gladys Gladys W. Rinder (1882–1965). For information on her, see BRACERS 19044, n.5.

• 8

  those days The days she was fussing over Clifford Allen at the Battersea flat he shared with BR.