BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 19 OCT. 1918
BRACERS 19369. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

Lulworth
Sat. Oct. 19. 19181

Beloved

This has been to me one of our great and wonderful days2 — Listening to the sea with my head on your breast, caressed by the wind and the sun, eternal things and fundamental peace mingled with love, making it gentle and kind, without fierceness or strife. I long with all my soul to preserve what is between us: it is vital to the best in us both — Help me, Dearest, do not make it too hard — The immediate future will be very difficult for me,3 but with your help I can keep my love alive through it. It is the further future I fear. I fear to see love for the world, and tenderness, and reverence, crushed out of you in the struggle for a purely personal success, making it, when it comes, a thing of no worth — And I fear that in that case my love may die, leaving us both cold and bare — Do not let that happen, my loved one — Applause and notices in the papers would not be worth having at that price. There is in you a quality of depth and tenderness and generous passion, which is the quality I love in you. But it could be lost, and you may lose it. Do not, my loved one — You will never be happy if you let it die —

All that I have said has been so mixed up with personal claims that it has not had much weight with you, but now I am speaking without any personal feeling — I am thinking of the talk in the Park and after, that day of crisis lately.4 An impression was left with me, and it hurt in a quite impersonal way: the impression that you would sell your soul for personal success, which would be a bad bargain —

Darling I love you with all my soul, and I feel responsible towards you. What we have is infinitely precious — do not let us squander it. Goodbye for the moment.

B —

• 1

  [document] Document 200361. Written on the deleted letterhead of Elizabeth Russell’s Swiss residence.

• 2

  one of our great and wonderful days Spent at Lulworth Cove, Dorset.

• 3

  immediate future will be very difficult for me This was because BR was convinced that Colette was having an affair with Col. Mitchell.

• 4

  the talk in the Park and after, that day of crisis lately BR may be reflecting as far back as their day in Richmond Park on 24 October 1916 or a day they spent in Regent’s Park in the spring of 1917, both of which were memorable for them. It seems more likely, however, that there was a more recent talk in a park. The recent day of crisis probably refers to his distress over Colette’s relationship with Colonel Mitchell.