BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 9 JAN. 1918
BRACERS 19268. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<London>
Wed. mg. 9.1.181^, 2

My Beloved

Your letter of Sunday3 came this morning. It was a joy to get it — It is a wonderful letter —

My heart is full of love towards you — the things that troubled me don’t trouble me now that I have said them all. But I am now terrified of their effect on you. I shan’t want to say them again. I am afraid they will have frozen you up. But if we can get away together I can unfreeze you.

When I took up with the Marlow plan,4 one of my chief reasons was so as to make myself an existence in which I should not demand of you more than you could give — we shall be much happier with each other if I want rather less of your time than you could give than if I am always wanting more.

I do so understand what you mean about the “dry burning pain” and “passionate searching.”5 It is exactly what I feel —

How horrible your hotel6 sounds. We have been having frost and snow — it is bitterly cold, and London is all white — rather beautiful. It is damnable that the weather prevents you from getting on. I do so want you back —

It was hardly true when I said you were lacking in tenderness. That is not it. I think sometimes you fail in imagination, in seeing things from another person’s point of view, in realizing the times when one is not with you, and the difficulties of living in a fever if one wants to work. One can give oneself up to fever at times, but to do one’s work one must as a rule be able to live one’s life without too great expense of thought and feeling — otherwise one gets no ideas, and can’t be interested in the things one ought to think about. Putting work first is always rather a hard and austere business. — I feel my letters lately have been intolerably priggish and horrid — please forgive me.

I love you with all my soul.

B.

I think the prospects of peace in the spring are fairly good. I did not think Ll. G’s speech7 so promising as many others did; the tone was good, but the substance bad. The shop stewards had a congress, at which they decided not to agree to the man-power bill, and to demand agreement with the Russians for negotiation. Wilson this morning is encouraging,8 especially about Russia.

• 1

  [document] Document 200255.

• 2

  [envelope] Miss Colette O’Niel | Royal Hotel | Falmouth | Cornwall. Pmk: ? | 3.15 PM | 9 JAN 18

• 3

  Your letter of Sunday She wrote a letter early Sunday morning and then another late Sunday night. In “Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969” they are misdated as “8 January”. They are numbered 177 and 178 (BRACERS 113112 and 113113).

• 4

  Marlow plan BR had planned spending weekdays in the country with Vivienne Eliot with her husband coming down on week-ends. The Eliots did rent a cottage at 31 West Street in the village of Marlow, Bucks. the week before 5 December 1917. BR had some financial obligation with regard to the rental, and he contributed furniture as well. The lease was terminated on 15 November 1920.

• 5

  “dry burning pain” and “passionate searching” Colette had written: “I will try to be more tender, more gentle. But the core of love is a dry burning pain, a passionate search” (BRACERS 113113). Later in this letter BR wrote: “It was hardly true when I said you were lacking in tenderness.” In his letter of 4 January 1918, BR had written: “Forgive me for having said you were lacking in tenderness and affection” (BRACERS 19264).

• 6

  horrible your hotel Colette described the Royal Hotel in Falmouth as “family and commercial”, with a kaput boiler,  bells that didn’t ring, and no bath. This portrayal of the hotel appears in her letter of Monday, 7 January 1918 (BRACERS 113114).

• 7

  Ll. G’s speech Colette had written “I got a local newspaper yesterday from which I gather that the Lloyd George speech might have been worse. Is that the view in London?” (BRACERS 113114). Lloyd George’s speech on war aims was delivered to Trade Union delegates at a conference on manpower on 5 January 1918 in London. It was hailed by The Times as an “impressive proof of unity”, 7 January 1918, p. 7.

• 8

  Wilson this morning is encouraging President Woodrow Wilson addressed the U.S. Congress on his war aims on 8 January 1918. BR would have read reports of this speech on the day of the present letter.