BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [10 JAN. 1917]
BRACERS 19104. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<London>
Wed. night.1^, 2^, 3

My loved one

This evening was full of pain — the pain I have been dreading from the beginning. From the first I have felt that if we came really close to each other I should infect you with unhappiness — I don’t want to — the unhappiness I feel is foolish — it does no good — one is far better and more useful without it. I felt you slipping away today, and I wanted you terribly — but something in me cries out against my wanting you. I feel it is not fair to you — I have suffered so much in my time that living is no longer instinctive, but a matter of endurance — that is not the sort of life to invite you to. I ought to have thought of that sooner, but I hoped I could keep my miseries away from you, and I couldn’t.

Tell me all you feel and think — Goodnight my Soul.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200076.

• 2

  [date] The date is taken from the attached envelope. It is suspect because the letter written the next day, BRACERS 19105, document 200077, bears no relationship to it.

• 3

  [envelope] The Lady Constance Malleson | 44 Great Cumberland Place | W. Pmk: LONDON. W.C | 1.15 AM | JAN 10 17A