BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 5 DEC. 1916
BRACERS 19085. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<London?>
Tues. evg. 5 Dec. ’161

My Dearest Darling

How could you think you had written me an “odious” letter?2  It was quite the opposite — only a little sad — but that did not make it odious.  My dear one, I do know there is no agony you would shirk — and you may count on me for that at any rate.  But I do know and suffer when you have to go through it — I know there must be pain in growing, and one must grow — but it is pain none the less, and I feel it.  My dear dear dear love, I love you, I love you, every hour that passes I love you more and feel more one with you. Why do you ask me to “forgive” you?  You have never done the slightest thing that needs to be “forgiven”.

It seems 100 years since Sunday. I have sat here, working, thinking, imagining Europe, wondering about the future of the world — dim underground thoughts slowly germinating — glad to be quite alone — busy on the surface with many things — 2 Tribunal articles3 and finishing my American article4 — last night the Aristotelian Society,5 where Haldane6 and a lot of philosophical bigwigs discussed smooth nonsense about the Theory of the State7 — fusses about Newhaven8 and C.A.9 and C.E.M.10 — an unspeakable host of letters — but none of these things, not even the articles I wrote, went at all below the surface.  The political crisis really interests me, because it gives a spark of hope.  All the time, underneath, I am longing for you — but my mind is insistent — it will demand leisure for thinking — I don’t quite know why, but I know I must obey.  Sometimes something comes of these moods, sometimes nothing — I can’t tell beforehand.

Tonight I dine with C.E.M. at the Cabin.11 Monday week, the 18th, I have to come up for the Aristotelian Society, as Whitehead12 is reading a paper.  I get away about 10 or 10.30.  If  I hadn’t been doing that I should have taken the chair for Miles13 and Ramsay Macdonald.14  Will you think that too soon for us to meet?  It would not be too soon for me.  I would come to you when it was over?  I do hope you will let me come.

My dear one, I love you with all my soul — I believe in you, most absolutely — I will never shirk anything to get the very best — I won’t stay happy in anything that might be better or bigger.  There are no limits to you, I know, my Heart — you will grow and grow, always — you will soon have grown far beyond all that I have learnt — but I will try to follow. Dear one, you have it in you to be Great — courage, life, love — you have it all — and I believe I can help you.

Goodnight my loved one. I am yours, yours, in all my thoughts and in the very roots of my being.

B

• 1

  [document] Document 200053.

• 2

  an “odious” letter In her letter of 5 December 1916 (BRACERS 112973) Colette begs forgiveness for her “last odious letter”. Her previous letter of 4 December does not seem odious, but, of course, it is an edited transcription of the original.

• 3

  2 Tribunal articles Probably those of December 7 (“The N.-C.F. and the Political Outlook”, B&R C16.29) and December 14 (“The Momentum of War”, C16.30), 76 in Papers 13 and 1 in Papers 14, respectively.

• 4

  my American article Presumably “For Conscience Sake”, published in  The Independent, New York (B&R C17.03; 6 in Papers 14).

• 5

  Aristotelian Society BR served as president of the Society in 1911–12 and 1912–13.

• 6

  Haldane Richard Burton Haldane (1856–1928), politician and philosopher.

• 7

  Theory of the State Bernard Bosanquet, “The Function of the State in Promoting the Unity of Mankind”. The discussion that followed was opened by BR (Proceedings of the Aristotelian Society, n.s. 17 [1916–17]: 481).

• 8

  Newhaven A town in East Sussex, where Clifford Allen’s court martial took place on 12 December 1916.

• 9

  C.A. (Reginald) Clifford Allen (1889–1939). For further information on him, see BRACERS 19046, n.7.

• 10

  C.E.M. Catherine Marshall (1880–1961). For further information on her, see BRACERS 19043, n.5.

• 11

  the Cabin Not identified.

• 12

  Whitehead Alfred North Whitehead (1861–1947). For further information on him, see BRACERS 19080, n.6. BR told Lady Ottoline (SLBR 2: #284) that he “ought to be there” for Whitehead’s paper. See the next letter but one to Colette, n.12.

• 13

  Miles Miles Malleson (1888–1969). For further information on him, see BRACERS 19046, n.4.

• 14

  Ramsay Macdonald James Ramsay MacDonald (1866–1937) was a prominent dissenter and founding member of the Union of Democratic Control. He had resigned as chairman of the Parliamentary Labour Party after most of his colleagues voted for the Asquith Government’s war budget in August 1914. After regaining the Labour leadership, MacDonald formed two minority administrations (1924 and 1929–31). He was still in office when he was persuaded, by an acute financial crisis, to accept the premiership of a Conservative-dominated National Government — thereby incurring the wrath of his party (from which he was expelled) for reasons quite different than in the First World War. BR respected MacDonald’s wartime politics but came to regard him as excessively timid and deferential. He later complained how, after becoming Prime Minister, MacDonald “went to Windsor in knee-breeches” (Auto. 2: 129).