BRACERS Record Detail for 17392
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"Friday night My Darling Love—Your telegram was a disappointment."
BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [29 DEC. 1911]
BRACERS 17392. ALS. Morrell papers #302, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.
My Darling Love
Your telegram was a disappointment — I had thought you went away from Oxford — now from your letter I see you didn’t. I could come to Oxford but I really think it would be too unwise, as we both know so many people there. So I will be patient till Tuesday. I really don’t mind as much as I usually should, because I want to think right through the matter, which takes time. I am not at all unhappy now except that I am sorry to be so reckless and intolerant.
What has kept my thoughts busy is the question how to share the utmost of our mental life in spite of certain differences — more of outlook than of opinion. I see my way quite clear now through it. I have a recurrent hard intellectuality which is not really good, tho’ it seems so when I have it. By living out of it I shall be a better person. I think now I have no temptation not to be gentle with you, because I realize that argument is not the right weapon. You are quite right to distrust argument — it is no good unless one is very practised at it and can give up a great deal of time to it; and even then one needs aptitude at seeing through fallacies and incompletenesses.
Darling your letters did completely reassure me — I quite saw that you were occupied with explaining and I felt all there was behind. The letter in which you put down your beliefs and hopes was a great comfort to me. It is really better than when I think without your help and get things distorted. Honestly I don’t despise you one bit for your beliefs. And you needn’t be afraid I shall despise you for seeming stupid — that wouldn’t matter to me one bit. When I have been vexed it has been from thinking there was some unwillingness to face the possibility of changing one’s views. I have made myself hold as many views as possible with the feeling that I may change them tomorrow if new reasons appear. But that is really a professional attitude, not desirable for other people. And in any case I shall never feel the same vexation again.
Yes, it is very cool of Roger. I can’t give any opinion about what you should do, partly because I don’t fully know the circumstances. I rather feel that it would be good to re-establish formal good relations if you can, because anything else is very awkward. But that must rest with you.
Burns, brother of the ex-priest, is here — nice, but not clever I think. We spent the morning arguing against a sense of sin with Geach. He thought it the source of all saintliness. I believe it is always the positive things that make real saints.
Darling Darling it is hard to write here, but do believe that all is well on my side. I love you most absolutely and feel that if you feel no hurt from Wed. it has done me good. You can do very great things through me — pluck out the bigotry and let the imagination and love and worship grow freely. But you will have not to fear me, and let me share your best even when I resist it. Address Shiffolds Holmbury St. Mary Dorking (I enclose envelopes). Do tell me how you are and more about your eyes. It is too bad we might have travelled to Reading together. I caught my train — looked for you but did not see you. Goodbye my Beloved, my Life.
Your
B.
