BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [18 OCT. 1911]
BRACERS 17310. ALS. Morrell papers #224, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
in the train
Wed. mg. 8.30
 

My Darling

Your letter of Monday reached me just before I started — I am going to see the Whiteheads and if possible some flats. Yes it is very boring arranging plans. I gather Saturday is very improbable, and if it were anything it would be a few minutes at Bedford Sq. Monday I should much prefer a sitting room at an hotel. I see reading carefully that you think Bed. Square best. If so I don’t feel the opposite. But I think if I have a sitting room and you come separately it is all right — I will engage the room Sat. if you agree. Then I can tell you where it is and you needn’t ask for me but can go straight. Let me know your decision. I don’t really care, but please do you decide.a I will engage one for the 2 days Monday and Tuesday. I think I could arrive by 10.30 without leaving Camberley Sunday night; but if there was a chance of a few moments at Bedford Sq. Sunday night I would of course come up then. Please let me know about these things if you can.

Yesterday was a heavenly day and I went a walk with my Lamb. Then I called on Roland Ll. Davies, Maurice’s son, who is a freshman. He has a typical Davies voice and rather a Davies face. Then I read Bergson and prepared today’s lecture. As usual, North came in in the evening; we compared notes on Maurice Amos — both rather relieved by his departure. It is shocking — he would be so hurt, and I really like him. He is like people in Lear, I don’tb mean the play, but the nonsense verses. He has the same gestures and attitudes; whenever he moves he knocks something over. One oughtn’t to mind such things but one does.

I wrote a testimonial for Geach (beastly job). This morning there is a fog one could cut with a knife — the 1st real autumn fog this year.

How incredibly mad the cubes sound. I am glad your Lamb is good. And I look forward to seeing the petticoats! What an amazing adventure P’s getting arrested. Yes Frenchmen are awful when they are excited. Did I ever tell you about the eminent mathematician Borel and the luggage ticket?

Darling I haven’t an idea in my head this morning. I had to get up early so I am rather short of sleep. I can’t really think of anything except our meeting and plans about it. It is tiresome growing restless inside — I have kept it off very successfully, but these last days it comes over me.

It is a funny thing how a feeling will spread over on to other things. I can make myself not think about our meeting, but when I think about other things the same feelings of impatience spread over to the other things. It interests me to observe this, and the odd way that emotions quite inappropriate to the topic (whatever it is) come out unexpectedly. I thought I had conquered impatience, which used to be a perfect torment to me, but it is come on again now — though not so badly as formerly. It takes the colour out of things almost more than anything else, and is altogether futile. But I don’t know how to deal with it when thinking of other things doesn’t answer.

Dearest of course I understand about Julian — I feel it myself — it was only that I had stupidly not thought enough. I couldn’t bear that she should be hurt — unless when you thought it for her good and would do so if I didn’t exist. If I ever seem to be making undue demands it is only from forgetfulness.

Now I must stop. Goodbye my heart. I ought to love you more calmly — perhaps I shall in time.

Your
B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000224. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] The Lady Ottoline Morrell | Hotel des Saints Pères | Rue des Saints Pères | Paris | France. Pmk: LONDON.N | OCT 18 11A | 11.15 AM

Textual Notes

• a

  I see reading … decide. inserted

• b

  I don’t after deleted he has