BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, 7 OCT. 1911
BRACERS 17294. ALS. Morrell papers #212, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Sat. Oct. 7. 1911

My Darling

Your first letter from Meran arrived just as I was going in to London with Whitehead and I had to wait till afterwards to read it. I was glad to have it. I am very sorry indeed that Meran is so beastly. I have never been there, I think; I believe I confused it with Bozen. Those mountain places are horrid really. If one walks, and gets out of the valleys, they have a certain delight; and Sanger and I enjoyed the feeling of getting daily nearer Italy, and finally reaching it. But as places to stay in they would be horrible.

I am very much interested by your decision about Roger and the Bells. I am quite sure you are right about it. One can’t have to do with people like the Bells without getting one’s mind filled with sordid things. Yes, Waterlow is a trial. Very stupid and very selfish; and I begin to think not quite truthful. I don’t mean in ways in which lying would be proper.

Dearest Love, I do hope you will be less depressed in spite of the splendour of the hotel. It has been a dreary holiday for you, going to wretched cold dreary places. And I feel you have been brooding over all sorts of worries and troubles. I can very well understand what A. Bennett gives you in the way of courage to live.

I have felt in your letters this last week that you were discouraged somehow. It is a trial not to be with you to get to the bottom of it and clear it up. However, when we meet I am convinced it will be all right. Life is full of risks to oneself and others — one has to take them cheerfully, tho’ I don’t always succeed. Risks keep one alive and prevent stagnation. Ultimately what matters is one’s permanent contribution. What matters with me is that I should get my work done and my books written. That is not to be done by a “quiet bachelor life”. You have to harmonize your Xtian conscience with your love of life and beauty. It is difficult and I don’t know any one else who would have a chance of success. But you can succeed. All this sounds horribly formal, but I have a feeling that it is your reason that requires to be reassured and that no other way would do.

I had a most agreeable dinner with the George Trevy’s — George was so affectionate and nice, I love him. Maurice Amos and his wife turned up. Maurice is boisterous, but I like him. He has good aims, he works hard, he keeps his intellect alive in all directions, and he is always full of fun and friendliness. He is coming to me here Friday to Tuesday. His wife seems to me dull and colourless, but I dare say quite nice. This morning I came down with Whitehead, we saw North a few minutes, and then went and lunched. There Lamb began informing me about Dakyns and Miss Mirrlees — it appears Dakyns told Waterlow. It is beastly not to have any reticence. Tomorrow I dine with the Mirrlees’s.

Your Dostojewsky Les Joueurs sounds as if I should like it.

I met Car Cox at King’s X. She said she was coming to Cambridge and meant to call on me. I couldn’t find the words to tell her not to. But I shall have to find a chaperon in case Alys gets vexed.

Whitehead is sitting in the room reading exam papers, which rather interferes with my letter, though I don’t know why it should. W. is on the Council of the Boro’ Rd Polytechnic, and is enthusiastic about Roger’s frescoes.

Your letter was not stupid at all — quite the reverse. It gave me a most vivid picture of the hotel and place and people, and a great knowledge of what had been going on in your mind.

The reason I have to read is partly in order to be better informed, but much more because it is the best way of getting one’s own ideas to mature. Mine need to mature a bit before being written down.

Darling I long for you to be back — all the doubts and difficulties will disappear when we are together again. If you come to my place, where we shall be alone and entirely secure from interruption, your mind will be much freer and you won’t feel worried. It will be divine.

Now I must post this. Goodbye my Beloved. I kiss you with all my soul.

Your loving
B

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  [document] Document 000212. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] A circled “212”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | Hotel Bristol | Meran | Tyrol | Austria. Pmk: CAMBRIDGE | 3.15 PM | OCT 7 | 11 | 2