BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, 1 OCT. 1911
BRACERS 17286. ALS. Morrell papers #204, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Sunday Oct. 1. 1911

My Darling

Your letter begun in the train on the way to Vienna reached me this morning, which was an unexpected joy. I am sorry Prague was disappointing. I have never been there, but had always thought it must be interesting. I am also very sorry you keep on being so tired — I must hope Meran will do you good. I hope you won’t leave Vienna before tomorrow, because if you do you won’t get Prisons, and in Austria nothing is ever forwarded, whatever instructions one may give. I had another copy typed, so it doesn’t matter from that point of view. I sent the other copy to the Whiteheads.

I have finished Aristotle’s Ethics. The end, about the contemplative life, is certainly rather good, but in the main I dislike the book. However, I am very glad to have read it. Soon I will finish the Metaphysics, which I began a long time ago. — I once found Sacred and Profane Love in some one else’s house and began it with much interest, but wasn’t able to finish it. I will get it out of the Union here and read it. Hilda Lessways doesn’t make much impression.

Today I lunched with the Merediths, and found Waterlow. I enjoyed seeing Meredith, but Waterlow is now thoroughly cheerful and I have not much use for him. Mrs M. is dull. Waterlow’s mind is full of sexual subjects, which is perhaps natural.

Then Hardy and I went to tea with Jourdain, who was cheerful as always, full of jokes and work. He has taken a house out at Girton and is moving in on Tuesday. Probably his finances will be all right. Moore is in College but I have not seen him yet. Probably he will be in Hall tonight. It is pleasant seeing people again. Last night I paid Hill a visit — he was very cordial, and I liked him as much as ever. The time does pass more easily than at Ipsden, but it has no such wonderful moments as I had there in the beech-woods thinking of you. — I am very expert at your handwriting by now, but it took me an immense time to find out what you wanted to do to my noddle. I was well rewarded, however, when I did find out.

I am contemplating another attempt to read Bergson. He loses me and strikes me as worthless, but I expect there is something in him really, and I must try to get at it. After that there are some German books I ought to read. And I ought to read Kant over again. It is really very desirable that I should abstain from writing for a bit. I have dim ideas in my head, which will mature better if I don’t write. But I have got so used to always writing that it is quite difficult not to feel idle when I don’t; also writing is exciting.

O my Darling I do long for you to be back. It is only playing at being alive when you are away, except for letters. All my being is wrapped up in you. The more I know you, the more I know you give me what I want, more than I thought any human being could. Dearest, Dearest, I love you, I love you — I feel that when we meet I shall just want to hold you in my arms and feel the peace of it. I wonder if you know how much it means to me to feel peace — all my life I have been driven by blind longings for infinite things — I couldn’t put them away, they were my life and I should have been worthless without them. There is a kind of inward restlessness which is not altogether bad, because it drives one to seek the best, and not pretend anything less is the best. But it produces a longing for rest such as I suppose other people don’t feel so strongly. And with you I get rest, because of the infinity in you. I feel this is what I have always sought for. O my heart, you are most unspeakably precious to me.

Your
B.

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  [document] Document 000204. Proofread against a colour scan of the original. The final leaf (foliated “2”), beginning “the peace of it. I”, is misplaced among the scans in the Texas scan file 19_5 and follows upon the letter to Ottoline dated 28 September 1911 (BRACERS 17286).

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  [envelope] A circled “204”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | Hotel Bristol | Meran | Tyrol | Austria. Pmk: Cambridge | 10 PM | OC 1 | 11 | 5