BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [13 JUNE 1911]
BRACERS 17189. ALS. Morrell papers #112, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
In the train
Tuesday

My Dearest Dearest

In spite of being so short, our time today was very delightful. It was hard to go so soon, just as we were really beginning to talk. But how wonderful our little talks are — I like your impulses to go slowly, it seems always to leave something in reserve. At first I had a wish to urge you on to speak of things, but now I enjoy waiting for you to have the impulse to speak — I feel satisfied it will all come in time. About P. — my feeling towards him is all that you would wish, and when the awkwardness is worn off I shall be quite easy with him. As far as I am concerned, I could be friends and enjoy talks with him.

But of course if he really made it difficult for us to meet at any time, I can’t be sure I should continue friendly. And I can’t yet be certain as to jealousy — I only know I have none at all now.

I want you really to know and feel that my love is solid, that it is not of the moment or liable to grow less as I know you better. It does not depend upon any small things or upon novelty or upon anything that is temporary. I talked of the big things today, but there are other things that make for permanence. First of all that all your ways delight me — your manner of speaking and your gestures and everything. Then our feelings harmonize over physical things — and there are thousands of ways of failing to harmonize over physical things. All this is very cold and reasoned, because it is your reason I want to appeal to, to make it know that on my side at least there is no rational probability of any diminution. I find it easy to believe that there is not much on your side either — for similar reasons.

I am sorry you had such a long time without a letter. It is quite impossible to get one to Peppard by 1st post Monday. I think during Coronation week or thereabouts I shall go off bicycling to look for places to go to with North. It will do me good to get a great deal of exercise. On Friday I think I shall stay the night in London as I go on to the Trevys next day. Or perhaps they could have me on Friday night.

My brother’s feeling was not only that one in the family’s enough, but also that he has (I fancy) been having his own domestic upheavals, and his wife, who has the stronger will, has persuaded him that it is of the utmost importance to do everything decently and without fuss. This is mostly guesswork, but I think I am right.

You needn’t worry about the time I spend in the train. I have plenty of time for work left, but the difficulty is that I find it so hard to concentrate my mind on work. I suppose that will be easier when I am more used to you and when all the externals are settled. But at present I only give half my mind to work and after I have been at it for a bit I find myself pulling out your letters and reading them over — which is shameful, but I am not ashamed of it.

Everybody was in my train this morning, tho’ as it started at 8.30 one might have hoped people wouldn’t be up. James Strachey and Helen Verrall and Mrs. Mirrlees I saw, but I managed to escape into a carriage containing none of them, because I hadn’t had time to read your letter properly and I didn’t want to read it in their presence.

Goodbye Dearest Heart — I am afraid your party will tire you dreadfully, and by the time you have finished showing fealty to your sovereign you will be exhausted. However I hope you will enjoy it, as one’s Aunts used to say. — The wild roses along the line are lovely. Goodbye. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Yours utterly
B

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  [document] Document 000112. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] A circled “112”.