BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [18 OCT. 1916]
BRACERS 19059. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
57 Gordon Square,
London. W.C.1^, 2
Wed. aftn.

My Darling Colette

Your dear dear letter3 was waiting here when I got back from the dentist. It was a joy. My dear one, I do long to be more free — but what can I do? Just now I am so utterly weary that I have no genuine emotions left except longing for sleep and solitude. I can’t bear that you should get the impression of me at my worst — I want to recover and be gay and full of life. It won’t be long. But I shall love a to lunch with you Friday — one o’clock? where? I have nothing but dentist Friday, till evening, when I go to Manchester.4

Could I come to Bernard Str.5 even if there was absolutely nothing to eat, which I shouldn’t mind at all. Or are other things happening there? It is all the same to me really where we lunch.

I shall be much better by then — my toothache has been stopped, and the tooth that was poisoning me has been pulled out — I feel better already — I do wish this hadn’t come on me just at this time, when I wanted to be full of life for you. I feel I must do less work than I have done — and then I have a bad conscience if I do anything except work that is tiring. A conscience is a most fearful nuisance.

My Beloved, please don’t think anything is the matter — a few nights’ sleep will make me alive again. Tonight I was engaged to a party at Mrs Hamilton’s,6 but I shall cry off — I forgot when we were discussing tonight — I wonder whether you will be polite to the spy? My dearest Darling, I love you very deeply — and you are always always in my thoughts. Your love is most infinitely precious to me.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200025.

• 2

  [date] Colette wrote “18 Oct. 1916” on the letter.

• 3

  Your dear dear letter Of 18 October 1916, BRACERS 112950.

• 4

  I go to Manchester To give the second lecture in “The World as It Can Be Made” series.

• 5

  Bernard Str. Colette and her husband, Miles, rented a flat at 43 Bernard Street called the Attic.

• 6

  Mrs Hamilton’s Mary Agnes (“Molly”) Hamilton (1882–1966), socialist peace campaigner, novelist and journalist, became one of the first members of the Union of Democratic Control in August 1914. She was acquainted with Ottoline and the pacifist literary circle around her at Garsington Manor. After the war Hamilton served for a time as deputy editor of the Independent Labour Party weekly, The New Leader, and was briefly (1929–31) Labour M.P. for Blackburn.

Textual Notes

• a

  love This word has three continuous strokes under it.