BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [3 OCT. 1916]
BRACERS 19048. ALS. McMaster. SLBR 2: #277
Edited by S. Turcon and N. Griffin. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
57 Gordon Square1
W.C.2

My dearest Love,

I was glad to get your dear letter3 this morning — and I lovea your picture,4 which has come. It is wonderfully good. Thank you with all my heart. I knew at once before I touched the parcel what it must be — but I hardly dared to open if for fear it shouldn’t be. I kissed the picture when I got to it beneath all its wrappings. — I am very sorry you were so dreadfully tired — I hope you are rested and had a lot of sleep. I was fearfully tired too — but when I saw Miss Marshall5 in the evening I found her in a desperate state — really terrified, and wanting to cling to any one who would save her.6 So I shall have to take her away tomorrow, and miss our evening. It is very disappointing, but her need is absolute. Poor woman — she gets terribly little affection — I don’t know how one manages to live with so little. I give her a great deal of respect but only a very pale affection. I think Allen7 gives her more — she misses him dreadfully. I know her mood well — it comes of fatigue, and is almost unbearable.8

I am out tonight till 10, but free every other evening except tomorrow. When shall we see each other?

I am still rather tired — Miss M’s crisis took it out of me.

My Colette, my lovely love, I think of you every moment — it is such a joy to think you are in the world — that somewhere you are filling the air with joy and beauty and freedom — that some place is vivid and wonderful because you are in it. Goodbye my heart.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200011.

• 2

  [date] Colette wrote “3 Oct. 1916” on the letter.

• 3

  your dear letter Of 2 October 1916, BRACERS 112937.

• 4

  your picture The portrait by E.O. Hoppé (1878–1972) printed in Auto. 2, opposite p. 68.

• 5

  Miss Marshall For information on Marshall, see BRACERS 19043, n.5.

• 6

  wanting to cling to any one who would save her Marshall had written to BR that day: “I am drowning in a sea of loneliness … I want some help very badly.” Her letter is headed “S.O.S.”, BRACERS 78199.

• 7

  Allen (Reginald) Clifford Allen (1889–1939), peace activist, often referred to as “CA”. For further information on Allen, see BRACERS 19046, n.7.

• 8

  I know her mood well … almost unbearable BR’s help was effective. Afterwards Marshall wrote to Clifford Allen: “Had wonderful weekend with Mephy [short for ‘Mephistopheles’, BR’s nickname in the NCF] a month ago — his prescription for fatigue and bad attack of missing you. Sunshine, moonlight, wood fires; walks, talks, reading aloud …; poetry, philosophy, fun” (Vellacott, Conscientious Objection:Russell and the Pacifists in the First World War, p. 143).

Textual Notes

• a

  love This word is underlined three times.