BR TO GAMEL BRENAN, 7 FEB. 1946
BRACERS 56416. ALS(X). New York Public Library. SLBR 2: #472
Edited by N. Griffin. Proofread by K. Blackwell

My dear Gamel

Thank you very much your letter, which was a comforting one.1 The trouble has begun to clear up. As soon as Peter got away from Cambridge she began to feel better. Slavery to housework has caused her to feel a gradually increasing envy of me — my work, my friends, my success, my popularity. She fought against the feeling but in the end it overwhelmed her and she had a serious nervous breakdown, culminating as I told you. The Doctors had to work over her for a long time, in doubt whether she would survive; the police came to question me but were persuaded it was an accident. When she found she was still alive she was very unhappy and incredibly bitter; from moment to moment I feared a repetition, which she threatened. Now it is settled that as soon as she is well enough to travel — probably in about a week — she will go to N. Wales, perhaps with Conrad. In future we shall only live in the same house during Conrad’s holidays, probably. I shall live in College in term time; Conrad will become a boarder at Dartington in September.

I am here for the present — a married couple (with twins), who are friends of ours, have moved in, and relieve me of housekeeping.2 When Peter left for the nursing home in London I was worn out and retired to bed, but I am recovered, though some weight will continue to oppress me for a long time, and I keep wondering where I acted wrongly. I think now the danger is past if I can keep up the right surface.

All this has left me more anxious than ever to see you. On Tuesday 26th I could meet you for dinner only, after a lecture at University College which ends at 6.30.3 I should have to catch a train at 10. Or on March 11 I could manage both tea and dinner — I have B.B.C. that day, ending at 3.30.4 During the Easter Term, beginning April 23, I shall l be much more free, and able to suit your times; and by next autumn I shall be still more free, in all likelihood. Lately I have only had just enough energy to get through necessary work in spite of difficult circumstances, but I hope that is going to be better. Dear Gamel, I am grateful for your affection, which is very sustaining. Love.

B.

• 1

  your letter, which was a comforting one This letter has apparently been destroyed.

• 2

  a married couple … relieve me of housekeeping Derek Wragge Morley (1920–1969), a Cambridge entomologist, and his wife, Irina.

• 3

  lecture at University College which ends at 6.30 See record 19826.

• 4I have B.B.C. that day, ending at 3.30 A Brains Trust programme.