BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 19 OCT. 1949
BRACERS 19882. ALS. McMaster. SLBR 2: #495
Edited by S. Turcon and N. Griffin. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

<letterhead>
Penralltogoch
Llan Ffestiniog
Merioneth1^, 2
19 Oct. 1949

Dearest Colette

I have just heard that you are in England.3 I wrote to Sundborn4 to let you know Conrad5 was gone and you could write, but I imagine my letter has not reached you. You can write quite freely, not here, but to

c/o Coward Chance & Co.
155 Fenchurch Str., E.C.3.

My affairs are still unsettled. I have offered Peter6 a lot of money, but she says it’s not enough. As part of my offer I proposed to rent this cottage,7 as I should like to have it for Conrad’s holidays. The entire offer is only open until the end of this month. If not accepted by then, I move my furniture to London.8 Shall I move yours at the same time? Does yours go into one van or two?

If Peter does not accept my offer, I leave the next move to her. Probably she will go to law. Until something is decided I have to be careful. For aught I know, she may have detectives after me.

Conrad at first said he wouldn’t come because I wouldn’t break with you, but at last he came and was completely friendly. However, I expect he is hostile again by now. I mind so much about him that I feel my life purposeless and empty. I have a paralysing sense of failure.

Per contra I have recovered John.9 I think of combining with him to buy a house at Richmond.10 I should have one floor and be quite independent. In any case I must be in or near London in winter.

The worry, weariness, and disgust of the sordid squabble with Peter and the terrible injury to Conrad has left me half dead emotionally, though I shall soon recover if any sort of settlement is reached.

I want to see you, but for the present only in ways that can’t be used against us in a law court. I have at the moment no pied à terre11 in London, and stay at a hotel when I go up. That is why I am not there all the time. But I can be there at any time that suits you, and soon I hope to be there altogether.

Have you a photograph of yourself about 1916? I had one for my autobiography but it seems to have been stolen.12 This is a horrid letter, but for the moment I am empty — “the embers of such fire that on the ashes of his youth doth lie, as a deathbed where on it must expire”.13 But love as always.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 200890.

• 2

  [envelope] The Lady Constance Malleson | c/o Miss C. Webster | 418 Anlaby Road | Hull | Yorkshire. This address lined out and replaced with: Annesley | S. Endsleigh Place | Tavistock Square | LONDON W.C.1. Pmk: SHIRE | 5.15 PM | . Pmk: HULL | 10.30 AM | 21 OCT | 1949 | YORKSHIRE

• 3

  you are in England She was staying with her sister, Clare, in London although her letter of 24 October was posted from an address in Yorkshire to disguise her location from BR whom she felt had abandoned her (“Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”, BRACERS 113294).

• 4

  I wrote to Sundborn This letter is not extant and in fact Colette believed it had never been written (letter to Phyllis Urch, “Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969”, 24 Oct. 1949, BRACERS 113295).

• 5

  Conrad Conrad Sebastian Robert Russell, born 15 April 1937 to BR and his wife Patricia.

• 6

  Peter Patricia (“Peter”) Russell, née Spence (1910–2004). She and BR were married from 1936 until 1952.

• 7

  this cottage Pentralltgoch.

• 8

  furniture to London Colette wrote on 24 October (BRACERS 113294) that she had not heard from him until this letter arrived. She had gone ahead to make arrangements for her furniture to be moved from where it was stored near Ffestiniog and suggested that BR share this transport if he wished. She was planning to settle at a cottage in Lavenham, Suffolk, although she would continue to spend much of her time in Sweden. Her furniture was in Wales because she had planned on living there.

• 9

  John John Conrad Russell, born 16 November 1921 to BR and his wife Dora.

• 10

  to buy a house at Richmond 41 Queen’s Road. BR moved in on 1 May 1950.

• 11

  no pied à terre Peter had taken their London flat in Dorset House for her exclusive use.

• 12

  seems to have been stolen BR used one of the youthful Colette by E.O. Hoppé (Auto. 2: opp. p. 32).

• 13

  “the embers of such fire that on the ashes of his youth doth lie, as a deathbed where on it must expire” Shakespeare, Sonnet LXXIII.