BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 9 JULY 1949
BRACERS 19878. ALS. McMaster. SLBR 2: #492
Edited by S. Turcon and N. Griffin. Reviewed by K. Blackwell

Festiniog.1
July 9, 1949

Dearest Colette

You do write the most comforting letters!2 I am sorry you have so much trouble in restraining your impulses to look after me, but in fact Frances3 is most obliging and I am quite comfortable. I had a visit from John4 and his wife,5 which I enjoyed, and Frances managed all right. She gives me dinner now. I don’t use the big room unless I have visitors. I am getting on with my autobiography, but have not all the old letters I ought to have.6

The decisive reason against my renting the cottage7 is that Peter8 makes it a condition that I should not see you here. Possibly later I may be grateful if you help me to find a flat, but at the moment John plans to take a house9 and let off flats, and in that case I may join in with him to keep the rent in the family. He gave up his job in the Civil Service in order to write, and has at the moment no income. He is absolutely set on writing,10 and I think will write well, but needs financial help. If I take a flat in his house, I shall be totally independent. I have a strong urge to keep my independence — one cannot be looked after without loss of liberty, and I had so little liberty with Peter that it has become precious.

Peter now writes affectionately begging me to come back, but nothing on earth would induce me to do so. A thousand thanks for writing what was needed11 to put things right with Conrad.12

I am for the time being very dead to emotion. It suits autobiography, as retrospective emotions are quite vivid, but for the present I feel a need to live quietly and uneventfully. I am very sorry that this makes my letters lifeless, but I don’t suppose the mood will last. I have often had the same sort of mood before. So please be patient with me, however dull I am at the moment. I will write again in a few days. All my love, Darling, and infinite gratitude for the warmth that you bring into my life.

Your
B

• 1

  [document] Document 200886.

• 2

  the most comforting letters Her letter of 4 July 1949 (BRACERS 19878). She would love, she wrote, to make life easier for BR.

• 3

  Frances Frances Shepherd, domestic staff. She had given her notice in February (BRACERS 19858), which set off a domestic crisis. It is not known why she was still there.

• 4

  John John Conrad Russell, born 16 November 1921 to BR and his wife Dora.

• 5

  his wife Susan Doniphan Lindsay (1926–1990), the daughter of the American poet Vachel Lindsay, married John in August 1946.

• 6

  the old letters I ought to have Notably BR did not have his letters to Helen Flexner (née Thomas), whom he recalled writing on the last day of the nineteenth century (Auto. 1: 145; for the letter see BRACERS 55848). He did have the returns or copies of his letters to Lucy Donnelly, Gilbert Murray, Lion Phillimore, and a large number of those to Alys Russell and especially Ottoline Morrell.

• 7

  the cottage The cottage, Pentralltgoch, in Llan Ffestiniog in Wales whence he was writing.

• 8

  Peter Patricia (“Peter”) Russell, née Spence (1910–2004). She and BR were married from 1936 until 1952.

• 9

  plans to take a house In the end BR purchased a home on Queen’s Road in Richmond, which contained two separate units which needed renovations. BR moved in on 1 May 1950.

• 10

  set on writing John Conrad Russell’s only publication in the next years was Abandon Spa Hot Springs (London: Gaberbocchus, 1954).

• 11

  writing what was needed The finished version of this letter is not extant. There are, however, three drafts: document 200879 (BRACERS 19871), document 200880 (BRACERS 19872) and document 200884 (BRACERS 19876).

• 12

  Conrad Conrad Sebastian Robert Russell, born 15 April 1937 to BR and his wife Patricia.