BRACERS Record Detail for 19339

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Collection code
Recent acquisition no.
Document no.
Box no.
Source if not BR
Malleson, Constance
Malleson, Constance
Form of letter
BR's address code (if sender)
Notes and topics

"Thursday morning. My Heart's Joy, I am sorry I wrote such a worried letter—I didn't know you need not answer Mr. Cubitt."

There are two transcriptions of this letter:

Document .052421, record 99882.
Document .201123, record 116362.

Although both are condensed, they both contain an extra sentence about living at Gordon Square.


Letter 58

BRACERS 19339. AL. McMaster
Previous Brixton letter, BRACERS 18683; next letter, BRACERS 19340
Edited by K. Blackwell, A. Bone, N. Griffin and S. Turcon

<Brixton Prison>1
Thursday morning.2

My Heart’s Joy,

I am sorry I wrote such a worried letter.3 I didn’t know you need not answer Mr. Cubitt.4 And your letter that time was so very short. I thought that was because you were worried. One is all right here when worries keep off, but they are hard to get rid of when they fasten on one.

I am very happy now — full of new life and full of ideas about philosophy. I expect I shall do a lot of first-rate work this winter.

I can easily afford £20 spent on holiday.5 I should love the Rinders’6 if our nights can be free — if not, I should wish to go to Ashford first. I won’t hurt my brother’s feelings, but I am sure I can make things all right with him.

My lovely Darling, I am full of happiness now, really believing in our future — feeling very full of life and creativeness — and so filled with love. I keep thinking of all sorts of lovable ways and words you have. Forgive me Darling if sometimes I get worried, I really sometimes wear myself out with longing for you. I can hear your voice so very plainly — and feel your arms — and O my love I want to see you happy, happy, HAPPY.a

Goodbye till Tuesday,b my Dearest, my Joy, My Heart’s Comrade — I love you <with>c all my soul and with all my strength.


  • 1

    [document] The letter was edited from an unsigned quarter-sheet in BR’s hand in the Malleson papers in the Russell Archives.

  • 2

    [date] Colette’s note reads: “This letter may be Thursday 1st August 1918. (But is perhaps Thursday 8 August.)”

  • 3

    I wrote such a worried letter BR was responding to Colette’s letter of 26 July (BRACERS 113145). She wrote: “Beloved, yr last letters are so dreadfully full of worry. You mustn’t worry so. Please don’t.” Letter 45 concerned the Scotland Yard visit, which did worry BR.

  • 4

    answer Mr. Cubitt For Mr. Cubitt, see note 5 to Letter 42. In Colette’s letter of Monday night (22 July 1918), she told him to stop worrying about the Scotland Yard episode (BRACERS 113144).

  • 5

    easily afford £20 spent on holiday BR wrote a very similar sentence in a letter written the day before: “I can well afford £20 for holiday” (Letter 56). He wrote again because he was concerned that she did not receive the letter.

  • 6

    the Rinders’ Miss Rinder offered her family’s cottage as a place to stay once BR left prison. Windmill Cottage was in Icklesham, near Winchelsea. Although not on the coast, it was not far away.

Textual Notes
  • a

    HAPPY BR printed the word in full caps and underlined it twice.

  • b

    Tuesday Above deleted “Wednesday”.

  • c

    <with> The corner of the sheet is missing where BR must have written this word and the first letter of “all”.

Transcription Public Access
Record no.
Record created
May 26, 2014
Record last modified
Oct 03, 2022
Created/last modified by