BRACERS Record Detail for 19045
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"I cannot go to bed, my Darling, without a word to say what this evening has been to me—I did not know how it would be, and I was nervous till, suddenly, by the river, it all came right—I know that I love you deeply, seriously, with all my being—".
There is a typed copy of this letter, document .201104, numbered “3a” which has been crossed out with “4” written underneath, record 115259.
One sentence, "I should not think very much of anything that faded when passion faded", is printed by Malleson in her book, In the North (London: Gollancz, 1946), p. 185, without dating it.
BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, 26 SEPT. 1916
BRACERS 19045. ALS. McMaster
Edited by S. Turcon. Reviewed by K. Blackwell
<letterhead>
57 Gordon Square
W.C.1
26 Sp. 1916.2
I cannot go to bed, my Darling, without a word to say what this evening has been to me. I did not know how it would be, and I was nervous till, suddenly, by the river,3 it all came right. I know that I love you deeply, seriously, with all my being. I know I have something to give you that you will still feel worth having had whatever the future may be — I know you have everything to give me — I have never before cared for any one who was happy, or even known any one intimately who was happy — it has given me an untrue view of life, much too full of strain and endurance. Till you spoke by the river, I did not think there was anything I had to give that you needed — but you persuaded me that there is. I should not think very much of anything that would fade if passion faded4 — I mean some much more profound comradeship. I want to take you into the very centre of my being, and to reach myself into the centre of yours. I want to know and be known, to share happiness and pain and joy and weariness and everything — I am sure you have not any conception what you can be to me.
My dearest dear, I want to fill your life full with joy in great things and small — to find out all that gives you delight, to give your mind the freedom of great spaces and your spirit the happiness of growth into the things that reach out into infinity — All this is your birthright — you would get it without me — but I should like to have my part.
Goodnight my dear and lovely one — my thoughts are with you in utmost tenderness and devotion.
B.
- 1
[document] Document 200008. There is also a typed copy of this letter, document 201104, numbered 3a.
- 2
[date] Colette wrote “Tuesday,” above BR’s date.
- 3
the river The Thames, at the Westminster Embankment.
- 4
I should not think very much of anything that would fade if passion faded Colette published this line in In the North (London: Gollancz, 1946), p. 185, without dating it.
