BRACERS Record Detail for 17897
To access the original letter, email the Russell Archives.
BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [7 MAY 1913]
BRACERS 17897. ALS. Morrell papers #767, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.
My Darling Love
Your dear letter from Folkestone was such a joy — I do love you so much my Darling — it is such happiness now to feel your love. I feel just like the old trees in the spring when the sap comes back and at last they grow green and young again. I am glad Garsington is not on chalk — perhaps you don’t see the connexion but there is one. Dearest Dearest I do hope I shall be able to keep your love alive now. You don’t know how dreadful it is when it is dead. I find I remember Churn with the same feelings as I have about places where I was after Theodore’s death. I just felt that when you got to know me you no longer found me lovable — it seemed quite hopeless. But that is all over, at least for the present — I will try to keep your love, and I think I do understand better how to do it now. It is like teaching a wild bird to eat out of one’s hand. One knows it is no good to find fault with the bird for not getting tame more quickly — but with human beings it is so hard not to blame them when one is hurt. And it requires a sort of detachment which is a pity, but if one goes on some time without a fresh hurt one gets over it. And now I am very very happy Darling.
Yes, I thought Mrs Winston very beautiful indeed. I didn’t admire Venetia Stanley very much — of course she is good-looking but in a rather coarse way. I was not actively disliking Winston at the moment, but I haven’t altered my view of him. He was rude — he only talked to Venetia and would pay no attention to his other neighbour. He is obviously quite heartless — would crush anyone who stood in the way of his ambition without a moment’s compunction. One feels ambition has killed all other passions. — I was very shy and unable to talk properly. After dinner, I should have liked to start Winston on politics — but I was too shy to begin — I saw a moment of doubt in his mind while he thought “what shall I talk to this old buffer about?”, and then he decided to pick my brains about mathematics. His intellectual interest was perfectly genuine — I saw that he has a very active brain and a wish to acquire as much information as possible on every conceivable topic. That, of course, I thought endearing.
Cobden-Sanderson brought his Italians yesterday — a husband and wife, not very interesting, but intelligent and agreeable. Today I am well and fit and have been working. I am sure I shall get a lot done while you are away.
My Aristotelian engagements are June 7 and 8. As a notice would be sent to every philosopher in Great Britain if I were not there, I can’t well help going. After that I have no engagements — my term here will be over.
Goodbye Darling. I long to hear how you stood the journey and how you are altogether. But don’t bother to write more than a word about your health. All my love Dearest. My thoughts are with you every moment.
Your
B
