BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [26 MAY 1911]
BRACERS 17380. ALS. Morrell papers #291, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Friday morning.

My Dearest

Your letter of last night has just come. I am glad you liked Mrs Crompton; I could easily believe everything all right but for the fact that he doesn’t seem to me really to respect her — however perhaps that was a mistake.

Alys writes, in answer to my offer to come and see her any time: “I feel very uncertain about the future, and must have time to think and decide what is best to do. Logan will probably take a house in Chelsea for next winter, and I may arrange to spend part of the autumn with him”. So it will be no use for me to have a pied à terre in Chelsea. Perhaps some other part of London might be possible. Have you any views?

Last night we got talking as to what is the value of philosophy — it was a better talk than I usually get. There was a Scotchman who often comes and is hardly ever simple and sincere, who quite dropped all his poses last night after I had ignored them all one after another. It is difficult and interesting, making people sincere. Clever people are those who find it hardest to be sincere, as a rule. I smiled to myself at intervals, at the thought that I was corrupting the young so badly that I ought to be stopped. It relieves me to think that you are getting to the country this afternoon. I shall hope that you will be resting there. I am quite clear that Alys and Logan will do nothing. As soon as Logan sees that he can’t punish me without involving you, he won’t want to do anything, and then he will soothe Alys. And Alys will be all right in the end if someone can persuade her that her dignity won’t suffer.

I rather think Miss Sands may soothe Logan, but if so she must be prepared for him, because I imagine she had hardly thought of Alys’s point of view and it might take her by surprise.

I find I should be rather sorry to be hounded out of this place. It is more nearly a home to me than any other place — I have been here a great deal for the last 20 years, and many important things have happened to me here, and altho’ there are few individual people whom I care for very much, I like the atmosphere in the main, and I like the young men, or at least I like dealing with them. I believe I am really good for them, and a useful person in the place. Anywhere else, I should have no particular use apart from my writing. And here I have the sort of love of every separate stone and tree and corner that only comes of long association. If the place were closed to me, it would take away something which in the long run is important. Merely not living here would not have that effect, if the place was still open to me. There is an odd satisfaction about having a place in a machine — it makes one less dependent upon one’s inner springs. You will see that these are tired feelings — but then one is sure to have tired feelings at times, as things are sure not to run always smoothly.

I go to the Whiteheads tomorrow, probably in time for luncheon. If you write Monday after the 1st post, address here — till then, 17 Carlyle Square. I shall be much occupied there, as I have a lot of work to do with Whitehead and shall have much to discuss with Mrs Whitehead, so possibly my letters may be short.

All this time ideas about the popular book I have to write are growing underground — I expect it will go easily when I get to work, and much the better for the time of not explicitly thinking about it.

There is a great deal of all sorts going on in my mind, but I can’t make out what. I feel, tho’, that something good will come of it, as soon as I have leisure to get it out.

Dearest, I loathe getting you into all these sordid troubles. But they will soon pass, and they are really external if so. I ought to have been more gradual with Alys. I cannot feel peace until I know that you are safe from disaster. I suppose Alys would desist if we gave each other up and I went back to her. But it would be a mistake to speak of that to her till everything else has been tried.

Goodbye my Life, My heart goes out to you every moment in yearning and love.

Your
B.

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  [document] Document 000291. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] None. A circled “291” is on the recto of sheet 2.