BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, 1 NOV. 1911
BRACERS 17326. Morrell papers #240, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<Cambridge>
Wed. night. Nov. 1 ’11.1^, 2
 

My Darling Darling

Your dear little letter is such a joy — yes, yesterday evening was heavenly and it is wonderful to think of many more like it. I do feel you and I are made for each other in some very profound way — I live in your mind so easily and I feel you live in mine the same way — the same reaching out after infinite things, wanting to travel on and on. So many people are puzzled and upset by the way I change and get away from things that I seem to see beyond — and I know with such certainty that nothing in that way would ever be anything but natural to you. I wonder if it really is God that gives you your inward calm — I don’t think so — I think it is self-forgetfulness. I am more turbulent — perhaps that is inseparable from creative force. There is no limit to what I can see and understand and love in the way of good, but there is a clear limit to what I can achieve. I don’t believe I shall ever learn to find life tolerable without love. But that only makes your gift the more precious, so now I hardly wish that were otherwise — tho’ I feel I am dependent upon you more than one ought to be on any one.

I had to wait till midnight before I could read your letter. After writing to you I had only just time to dress — then I had a very pleasant dinner, Robertson (whom I like, but know very slightly — a married man living in College, like me) on my other side, Hardy, Keynes, Neville opposite, and Moore and Lamb near. Somebody had told Sheppard the only things that give zest to life are health and belief in God, and he wondered if it was true, having neither himself. I always feel him profoundly unhappy, but I don’t know why — I think he has an uneasy conscience for some reason. But he is always gay and keeps one amused the whole time. We watched Moore, who was arguing ferociously — there could be no doubt of the zest in his life, he was full of the enjoyment of sheer mental power. After dinner a number of people came to my rooms — Moore, Hardy, Keynes, Sheppard, Robertson, Lamb, North, W.E. Johnson (an elderly logician, very able, especially as a critic, but too lacking in vigour to produce much). For some reason the conversation got on the fall of the birth-rate and how far it is due to preventive checks. The bachelors knew only the statistics, and the married men only the concrete facts — it was rather queer. — Johnson has been telling all his pupils to come to my paper Friday night so there will be a crowd.

Goodnight Darling. I will finish tomorrow. I send you a long kiss — I love you I love you.

your
B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000240. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “240”. The Lady Ottoline Morrell | 44 Bedford Square | London W.C.