BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [7 JULY 1911]
BRACERS 17218. ALS. Morrell papers #138, Texas. SLBR 1: #172
Edited by N. Griffin. Proofread by K. Blackwell and A. Duncan

Paddington Hotel.1^, 2
Friday evg.

My Darling

I won’t post this till I come back tonight,3 but I will begin it now. It was delicious in the woods at Peppard. I think it was a better place than any we have been in yet. Only the time was so short that even I could not imagine it was for ever, as I usually manage to do. I felt too thata you were very tired.b Please don’t give another thought to my wish for children. From the first moment, you told me not to expect them, so I hadn’t set my heart on your having a child. It is in every way more convenient that it should not happen, and it is by no means vital to me.

I was sorry I was tiresome about Roger. When I talk about anything of that sort, I am apt not to talk naturally, but as a moralist, because I am so apt to muddle things that I have lost confidence in my natural way of feeling. It seems to me that your way of feeling is extraordinarily like mine, only I am doubtful if that way is successful in practice. — Yes, I am horribly afraid of acting impulsively on things that are not genuine — at least I have been — at present I have no temptations of that sort. Dearest, I have a feeling that whatever either of us may think ill of in ourselves is really an added bond, because the likeness is so great. I see that you have more courage, more reticence, more power of suffering without complaining. On the other hand I have a rather more active desire to get at the exact truth. But more and more I am struck with amazement at our agreement in instincts. At first I could not quitec believe it — I know that love plays one tricks, and I feared it might be less complete than it seemed. Now I have no such feeling. I know that if your love cools someday — I shall so well understand it that I shall feel no bitterness; and I feel it would be the same with you. And I am quite sure that whatever happens a very deep devotion will remain on both sides, because we respond with our best to each other’s best. — It is funny, I am not at all afraid of my serious faults with you, but I am always afraid of your finding me a solemn prig. I know that is what I am at bottom, however I may try to disguise it. —

The dear little heart with your hair will be an unspeakable joy to me — it was dear of you.4 You needn’t be afraid of being sentimental — I am at least as sentimental as you are. — Dearest Love, it is time for me to dress. I will finish this letter when I come home. I am rather tired from travelling and a very long walk yesterday. I do long to be established at Ipsden and see you daily almost. It will be too wonderful. When I see you with other people, I still feel odd — I can’t believe the last months have really happened, and I go back to the time before in my mind. It would be natural to me to call you Lady Ottoline — I feel quite like a casual visitor. — Julian was too funny, she wouldn’t begin her tea, she said “I shall wait till Mummy comes, she is my mother you know”. — She told me she had learnt one of the Blakes by heart. I asked her to repeat it, but she fetched the book and gave it me to read — she was very shy about it. I love her very much.

Midnight. The dinner was mildly amusing: Bosanquet in the chair,5 Wildon Carr Sec. and host;6 Balfour,7 McTaggart, Schiller,8 Caldecott (a half-witted parson),9 Hill (Vice-Chancellor of London Univ.),10 old Benn whom you may have met in Florence,11 2 people I didn’t know, Nunn12 (a teacher of philosophy in London and more or less a disciple of mine), Moore, Benecke (an aged habitué of the Aristotelian Society),13 Self, Sorley (Professor of Ethics at Cambridge, dull, pompous, hypocritical and stupid and Scotch),14 and so back to Carr. (These are in order left to right.) Schiller used his chance to advertise pragmatics with Balfour, who was elaborately unassuming and professionally charming. McTaggart also got his innings, and looked as pleased as a cat when you scratch it. When we got to business, Balfour was quite useful in a mild way. But he is hateful. He makes such an impression of not caring about anything worth caring for. I can believe, tho’, that he is affectionate and kind; it is the lack of ideals that is so repulsive. — Moore walked back to Paddington with me, and came up to my room and sat there till the last train to Richmond — this made me miss the midnight post. Moore was very nice — he is much more friendly with me than he used to be. He had been to Iffley15 and had encouraged Karin to write philosophy, which he says she is very doubtful about. He says the examiners had no doubt about giving her a distinction — that he thought her better than my Scotchman Laird, but the other examiners thought her less good.16 — I got on very well with Sorley and quite enjoyed talking to him, in spite of his being all I have described. I find nowadays I like almost everybody — Balfour and Caldecott were the only people I didn’t like tonight. Moore burst out to me against Schiller, and I admit all there is against him, yet I can’t dislike him. Liking most people makes life amazingly easy. I wish you could get your nerves rested, so as not to be irritated by people — it makes life so much less tiring. I hope very much that living more in the country will do it for you.

Goodnight my Darling. It was a joy being with you today. — I will write in the train, to reach you by 1st post the day after tomorrow. I shall be thankful when this time at Malvern is over. I enjoyed the journey up — I really am glad sometimes to be there with other people, it brings out things that couldn’t come out otherwise. Lamb was really angelic — I don’t feel as if he disliked me, tho’ one would suppose he must.

Goodbye my Beloved.

Your
B

• 1

  [document] Document 000138. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] ??.

• 3

  I won’t post this till I come back tonight That is, back to his hotel room from the Aristotelian Society dinner.

• 4

  little heart with your hair … it was dear of you She had given him a locket containing a strand of her hair.

• 5

  Bosanquet in the chair Bernard Bosanquet (1848–1923), the neo-Hegelian philosopher.

• 6

  Wildon Carr Sec. and host Herbert Wildon Carr (1857–1931). As a broker on the London Stock Exchange he had earned enough money to retire and devote himself to philosophy. He served as Secretary of the Aristotelian Society for many years and in 1918 became Professor of Philosophy at London.

• 7

  Balfour Arthur James Balfour (1848–1930), a politician and amateur philosopher. He had been Prime Minister until the Liberal landslide of 1905.

• 8

  Schiller Ferdinand Canning Scott Schiller (1864–1937), the leading advocate of Pragmatism in Britain.

• 9

  Caldecott (a half-witted parson) Rev. Alfred Caldecott (1851–1936), the Professor of Mental and Moral Philosophy at King’s College, London. He wrote mainly on religious matters.

• 10

  Hill (Vice-Chancellor of London Univ.) Micaiah John Muller Hill (1856–1929), Professor of Pure Mathematics at London (1884–1923) and Vice-Chancellor of the University 1909–10.

• 11

  old Benn whom you may have met in Florence Alfred William Benn (1843–1916), a historian of philosophy and a member of the Society for the Promotion of Hellenic Studies. He had lived abroad, in Italy and Switzerland, since 1866.

• 12

  Nunn Thomas Percy Nunn (1871–1944), a Realist philosopher, he became Professor of Education at London in 1913.

• 13

  Benecke (an aged habitué of the Aristotelian Society) E.C. Benecke. He was very active for many years in the Aristotelian Society, chairing meetings and taking part in discussions but not reading a paper himself.

• 14

  Sorley (Professor of Ethics at Cambridge … and Scotch) William Ritchie Sorley (1855–1935). He had succeeded Sidgwick as Knightbridge Professor of Moral Philosophy in 1900 and held the chair until 1933.

• 15

  Iffley Where Logan still lived.

• 16

  He says the examiners … thought her less good. Both Karin Costelloe and Laird had got Firsts with Distinction in their Moral Science examinations the previous month.

Textual Notes

• a

  that before deleted word

• b

  tired before deleted underlined or you had something on your mind

• c

  quite inserted