BRACERS Record Detail for 17217

To access the original letter, email the Russell Archives.

Collection code
RA3
Recent acquisition no.
69
Document no.
000137
Box no.
2.54
Filed
OM scans 19_3: 24
Source if not BR
Texas, U. of, HRC
Recipient(s)
Morrell, Ottoline
Sender(s)
BR
Date
1911/07/05*
Form of letter
AL(M)
Pieces
2E
BR's address code (if sender)
UW
Notes and topics

"Wed. night" "I never find out about books for myself—I have always lived among people who kept me going, so that I never read book reviews or know anything except what I am told." [Letter is not signed; it concludes as letter no. 137.]

Transcription

BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [5 JULY 1911]
BRACERS 17217. ALS. Morrell papers #137, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.


Upper Wyche.1, 2
Wed. night.

My Darling

I keep wondering how you are — whether you are feeling very ill and tired — whether you are able to rest or have lots of things to do — whether you are feeling worried and anxious or not. I wonder too whether your glasses will really do you good — I very much hope so. It is dreadful to be not strong and always having too much to do. I have always been strong and well, yet I don’t usually like very healthy people — as a rule they are unfeeling and inclined to be brutal — they seldom have much sympathy or understanding. Darling I do long for you so much — there seems nothing else worth saying.

I have had a letter from Miss Silcox, regretting my leaving Newnham Council, and (it seems to me) rather unhappy, tho’ saying nothing definite. I have a feeling she had heard something. But perhaps it is my imagination.

Darling you spoil me giving me so many books. I do love having them. At Cambridge I keep them all on a chair by my bedside, out of the way of other people, and where I can enjoy them in peace. But the chair will soon give way under their weight. I never find out about books for myself — I have always lived among people who kept me going, so that I never read book reviews or know anything except what I am told. And I find I am always apt to read the old books over again — they are like old friends, and it requires an earthquake to bring new ones in. The earthquake you have caused has brought me new books — especially Syngh,3 whom I never read before. I turned by some instinct to Deirdre, those awful early days when we thought we must part — and it gave me just what I wanted — it seemed the only thing I could read. In spite of all the pain of that time, it was very wonderful — I felt love growing deeper and greater every hour, and all the beauty in the world overwhelming me, and you shining in the midst of it — to me you became the source and centre of all beauty and all freedom of the soul. If we had parted, you would have remained through all the years the supreme realization of all my hopes and dreams — but gradually they would have become dreams again, and I should almost have doubted whether you had ever really existed — Now the realization remains. You cannot know how my life is changed by you — how all the good is set free, and everything else is swept out of existence. I can believe you are changed too — love is a wonderful alchemist — he turns all our baser alloys to pure gold. All the ancient splendours of the world — all its joys and heroisms and achievements — all the pity of it, the boundless sorrow and the tragedy — all that I have ever admired and lived by — all meet in my soul in one great diapason of love, love, love. O my Dearest, my Dearest, it is too divine — I feel mortal man was not meant for such joys —

  • 1

    [document] Document 000137. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

  • 2

    [envelope]

  • 3

    Syngh BR’s misspelling of “Synge”, author of Deirdre of the Sorrows.

Permission
Everyone
Transcription Public Access
Yes
Record no.
17217
Record created
Jul 18, 2006
Record last modified
Jun 23, 2025
Created/last modified by
blackwk