BRACERS Record Detail for 17212
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"Tues. night"
"My Aunt Agatha is very kind and nice, but longing to find fault with Alys. I have had to cope with her, hating the false appearance of generosity. I feel such a Tartuffe, it is loathsome. That's why I am so furious with Jane*—she forced me to do a dirty job for nothing. I have no objection to plain lying, but lying that makes oneself out a saint is fancy lying. However it doesn't really matter. My Aunt asked if I could get freedom, and when I said no, she said that was very hard on me. But she wouldn't sympathize if she knew the truth.
*[Jane Harrison]
Dearest, dearest, I do want you. It is ages since I saw you last."
[This letter was begun at Rozeldene on the 27th and finished in the train and in London on the 28th.]
BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [27 JUNE 1911]
BRACERS 17212. ALS. Morrell papers #132, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.
Rozeldene Hindhead
<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1
, 2
Tues. night.
My Darling
How nice of you to telegraph, I am afraid my letter of yesterday must have produced some fear in your mind that I shouldn’t have got your last letter to Trinity. But I was pleased to have your telegram. I wonder if the people who keep the P.O’s in your neighbourhood have been taught French — I hope not. — The Dakyns’s were very cheerful, and made things easy. I had some talk with Arthur and some with his sister — The older brother Henry and his wife were there too. Crompton and Moya appeared at tea-time — Henry Dakyns adores Crompton and they generally spend August together. Crompton was as demonstrative as ever towards Moya, but this time I thought Moya liked it, whereas before I had thought she didn’t. I think Crompton is happy but less interesting than before. I feel more or less as dear Jane feels towards me. We do have ideals of our friends. I should certainly be disappointed if it turned out on the judgment day that dear Jane had always been strictly virtuous. But I trust that is unlikely.
My Aunt Agatha is very kind and nice, but longing to find fault with Alys. I have had to cope with her, hating the false appearance of generosity. I feel such a Tartuffe, it is loathsome. That’s why I am so furious with Jane — she forced me to do a dirty job for nothing. I have no objection to plain lying, but lying that makes oneself out a saint is fancy lying. However, it doesn’t really matter. My Aunt asked if I could get freedom, and when I said no, she said that was very hard on me. But she wouldn’t sympathize if she knew the truth.
Dearest, Dearest, I do want you. It is ages since I saw you last. You are my world and my life. You will have to realize it — my life has become centred in you, and I don’t believe I could ever untwine it. It is hard to believe oneself important to another person — but you are important to me — much more so than all the rest of the world put together. I keep looking for the coldest, baldest, most exact and convincing statement I can make. I shall keep on till you seem to know it. I am longing for your seriousness and your laughter. My Darling I want you — I want your arms, I want to kiss your lips and your dear eyes and your breasts — I want you altogether utterly my Beloved my joy.
Your
B.
