BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [14 JUNE 1911]
BRACERS 17190. ALS. Morrell papers #113, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
June 14. mg.

My Darling

I was glad of your letter which came by 2nd post. You have had a mad career since I left you. Roger is most tiresome — evidently Vanessa is at the bottom of it. Meredith, last night, stayed for ever, and began talking about Vanessa and Virginia, who have taken him up on account of his poems. He was much taken with them, but suspicious — Lytton had spoken against them to him — I said I barely knew them but had never been attracted by them. He seemed to have gathered a general impression that everyone thinks ill of them. It is all not worth bothering about. You have lost Roger whatever he may do, because one can’t really be friends with such a fool. — Meredith tells me he has a very great affection for Lytton — he says what Lytton chiefly wants in people is heart, strong feeling — he also says he finds Lytton anxious to get some work achieved. Perhaps that is due to his visit to Peppard. It is creditable to Lytton that Meredith should like him — both because M. is a very rough diamond, and because he is the sort of person to whom people are very sincere.

I enclose a nice letter from my Uncle Rollo Russell.a I have never said a word to him about my matrimonial troubles. I hate this injured-martyr business, but it can’t be helped. It is funny that the welfare of Philip and Julian should depend upon my assuming virtues I don’t possess — but since it is so, may God give me strength to play the hypocrite — to manage the half-repressed sigh, the sad smile, the praise of Alys which only exhibits my own nobility of soul, and all the rest of the apparatus. When I am bankrupt, I can hire myself to a troop of nigger minstrels as the melancholy man who is the foil for the clown. It is rather agreeable to pretend to be cheerful when one is miserable, but pretending to be heart-broken when one is filled with happiness is rather a dirty business. However as it has to be done I get my fun out of it.

You will see that Alys also wrote to my uncle’s wife Gertrude — she must have had a perfect orgy. It is odd her passion for explanations.

I see my railway guard was faithless and didn’t post my letter in time for you to get it last night — what a wretch! Your cigarettes arrived this morning — I think twice as many as I bought — so I shall have to abandon the attempt to return stolen property. Thanks and expostulations.

I am occupied with proofs3 which came last night, and involve a good deal of work. I had been going an expedition of the river with North, but the weather is too bad. Trinity is giving a garden party this afternoon in Nevile’s Court — I ought to go but shan’t. But it will make my rooms nearly uninhabitable.

I was glad P. didn’t shrink from coming up while I was there yesterday. If we can meet in the country when he is at home it simplifies matters. We would make a point of being out of doors the whole time. I imagine what Logan said to him was that people would say he endured things for the sake of your money — (it seems to me hardly anybody but the Smiths would think of such a thing — still it is a pity he hasn’t got money of his own.) That is what Logan said to Mrs Whitehead — a poisonous thought to put into a man’s mind.

If you are abroad in October it will suit me far better than earlier,b because I have the first Fellowship examination and then the beginning of my lectures, which are more serious in October than this term — I have 3 instead of 2 a week, and I have more people at them. So that in any case I should be a good deal tied here the first 3 weeks or so of October. Fellowship elections are important, as they often affect the whole of a man’s future; and they involve a good deal of work. One has to read dissertations and stacks of essays, and talk the men over with other examiners.

I do hate all these duties that take me away from you. I hope a year hence it may be possible to get rid of them. But that will depend upon whether it seems as if leaving here would cause much talk. I wish one could ignore gossip and all such things — but one can’t. I wish the world could learn that one ought not to want to know anything about people beyond what they tell one themselves. But most women would find life unendurable on those terms.

Goodbye Dearest. It is the most perfect joy being with you — and when I can get free to think of you it is very good even when I am absent. But I hate the intrusion of the world. It is a joy to me that you have been here and I can picture you as you were in these rooms. But having all my daily pursuits so separate from you is vexing — I want so much to be able to share everything. However I am grateful to fate, which has been very good to us really. Your love does fill my life and my heart, Darling.

I love you, I love you.

Yours utterly
B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000113. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “113”.

• 3

  proofs Of Principia Mathematica, Vol. II.

Textual Notes

• a

  Russell inserted

• b

  than earlier, inserted