BRACERS Record Detail

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Texas, U. of, HRC

Morrell, Ottoline
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Wed. evg.

"We had tea at Grantchester, and walked in the fields in places where I hadn't been for nine years. I remembered so well all the emotions I had had then—horribly painful, almost all of them. The country is vast and level, with wide skies and quiet fields stretching away to the horizon—very satisfying when one is happy, but rather a mockery when one is not, because it is so peaceful. It is strange how one lives through things—it makes life seem so long, and as if it was not one life but many. I feel I have lived three complete lives and am now in a fourth— which I hope and believe will last till I die. But so far my work has been the only thing that gave unity to my life—in that, there has been very complete unity since I was quite a child. And in that I have wasted no time and made no serious mistakes—I have nothing to regret or excuse—when I have done other things, it has been no more than was good for work. This has often made me put my love of perfection into work chiefly, because I had come to despair of perfection in human relations. I am no good at making great effort to keep things second-rate instead of third-rate. But if a thing can be first-rate I can do anything for it. That is why I only do well where something really good is involved. For our love I could do anything, I believe, however hard. To make the good better is so much more inspiring than to make the bad a little less bad. Our love is full of religion to me—but if it lost that, I should feel everything was lost—however much might be left it would seem nothing. That was why I wanted to part when I was afraid of jealousy—parting, I could have kept the religious feeling; but not parting and being jealous, nothing worth having would have remained."

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Record created 2014/05/20
Record last modified 2020/04/08
Created/last modified by rstaple