BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [23 MAY 1911]
BRACERS 17152. ALS. Morrell papers #79, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Tuesday night

My Darling

I will reach you at 10.30 tomorrow if that is not too early for you. I am glad too that it is over with Logan. It must have been very painful and difficult. I suppose he was very emotional and upset. I am afraid you must have found it very trying — it would seem natural he should also come to me, but perhaps he thinks that useless. Alys has such power that it is not to be wondered at if he was a bit wild — and of course he would believe all she said. I am sorry you have had all this to cope with, but it couldn’t well have been helped, so far as I can see. Alys had to be told, because she would soon have found out for herself; and when once she was told, the rest was almost bound to follow. I think she will quiet down, probably before long; but it is important to keep her from desperate measures of any sort meanwhile. She doesn’t, I think, wish to see me before June 17; if she did I would go, but she didn’t seem to wish it. I hate having all the burden and sordidness of it come upon you, but it doesn’t seem avoidable. It is plain from your letter that is was very bad. But, Dearest, I am glad you are calm still. They won’t really hurt us, tho’ of course they could. I long to be with you, and to rest in each other. Also I want very much to know what he said and how much effect you produced. It must make it more trying having your lady — she comes very frequently. Darling, I long to bring you nothing but happiness — it is dreadful bringing so much besides. Yet I would not screen you from anything you ought to know about.

My difficulty with Alys is really that all our relations have grown false — there is no confidence or trust on either side, we watch each other suspiciously, and suspect each other’s motives. That sort of relation seems so bad that I can’t feel it worth preserving, except temporarily to help her through a bad time, or to avoid scandal. She won’t let me learn to trust her, because she prefers to be crooked.3 It is all very hopeless. But I am sure it will settle down in time.

Goodnight my Dearest. Tomorrow we shall have each other.

Your loving

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000079. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “79”.

• 3

  crooked “bent or twisted out of shape or position” (Concise O.E.D., 2002).