BRACERS Record Detail for 17149
To access the original letter, email the Russell Archives.
Alys [Russell] threatens divorce. Miserable time.
The letter was written on 20 May and continued 21 May 1911.
BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [20–21 MAY 1911]
BRACERS 17149. ALS. Morrell papers #76, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.
<Fernhurst>
<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1, 2
Sat. night late
My Dearest
It is dreadful here — much worse than I had anticipated. Alys is very wild and very miserable. She talks in a strange way — moments of terrible and heartrending sincerity, and then long times of noble sentiments. She is very very unhappy. She says she is taking bromide to make her sleep. She began in great anger, threatening divorce. Gradually, however, she grew quieter. She is very anxious to tell Logan — evidently his friendship for you has galled her beyond endurance. Would you mind Logan being told? I think she will anyhow, and perhaps he had better be. She says, what I find hard to believe, that she had not understood I was going to Studland, and heard it first from Logan. She is very full of anger against us both. I shall have to see more of her than I had intended, I think, at any rate for a while. I cannot endure her misery. She refuses to live with Logan, but is filled with dread of loneliness — and it does seem a very awful prospect. She asked me whether if she had a child I would acknowledge it! I can’t imagine who the father would be. Besides it is a thousand to one against its occurring even if that difficulty had been overcome. But it shows how desperate she is. Of course I said I would acknowledge it. The rest of the time she was saying either that the one important thing was to save my work and influence, or that I had become a public danger and ought to be publicly exposed.
What all this comes to is that I shall be compelled to be more with her. At present she is troubled with loneliness and jealousy, and must not be blamed for anything. I am terribly sorry for her. She is willing enough not to see me, but I fear it may lead to disaster if she doesn’t. I really think Logan might be a help, tho’ she is sure to talk him round.
Dearest I can’t write about anything else tonight. She says I am utterly inhuman and cruel, and I hardly know what is the truth. I only know it is a world of misery that she lives in, and that I feel infinitely sorry for her, and yet utterly powerless to give any real help. It is all very difficult and very upsetting. Goodnight Dearest.
Your
B.
Sunday morning in bed. Dearest your little letter has come, and is balm. I cannot tell you how much it would be to me that you should have more leisure and be more in the country. It is dreadful when you are worn out with a round of things that give you nothing, whatever they may give to other people, and I long for you to have leisure for more writing and more reading.
I really don’t know what to do about Alys. She will come to know that she can get things by being desperate. But she is now really in tortures from jealousy. Only I find it so hard to believe that I can really be any comfort to her. I am very tired and hardly capable of thinking, still less of not thinking. I must get up now. Darling I will come at 10.30 tomorrow — if you are free long enough, we might go to Hampstead Heath or somewhere. I feel it will need the fresh air to talk out things here.
She says I was horribly cruel to her the last weeks I was here, but as far as I can see it is only because I wouldn’t say untrue things. She is absolutely furious with my having offered to come to Iffley — says it was the cruellest action she has ever heard of, or words to that effect. It is all jealousy. I think perhaps if I see more of her she may quiet down in time. If only she wouldn’t say her sole wish is to keep me from wrong-doing. — Goodbye till tomorrow Dearest. You must help me to be kind to her. I was kind all through our talk last night — even she acknowledged it.
Your loving
B
