BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, 18 MAY 1911
BRACERS 17145. ALS. Morrell papers #72, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1^, 2
Thursday May 18.

My Darling

It was nice of you to send me such a dear telegram3 — it has just reached me — it has given me a great deal of joy. I haven’t had any other birthday emotions! I can’t think of anything remarkable about 39, which is the age I have achieved, except that I believe it is the number of books in the Old Testament. I believe you said your birthday is June 17 — that is right isn’t it? I am too shy to write to Julian which otherwise I should have done.

Last night in the train after writing to you I began to read L’Idiot, whereupon my neighbour a scruffy elderly mana began speaking to me in French, and after a time went on to German. He had been educated in France, and said it was nonsense to suppose French education bad for the character — his character had not suffered, in spite of things (which he related) which might have harmed it. He then said he rejoiced that fewer people at Cambridge now become parsons — explained that his wife’s people were shocked by his loss of religion — and so on and so on. The whole conversation didn’t last more than 20 minutes, as he got out at Garden City where of course he lives. All people in trains are odd. — My Danish lady has fallen through so I am not so busy as I expected. But probably I shan’t be able to write tonight.

I find I shall very likely have to come to London July 7 for that Haldane–Balfour committee which was to have been June 30. If so, if you can manage to be in London that day, do, as it is in the middle of the fortnight I promised to spend with North at Marlborough. I find my thoughts are gradually coming round to the book I have to write4 then — I have a certain number of more or less vague ideas on the subject. But it will be a very difficult book to write.

I was glad to see that one of the extra Commissioners appointed in consequence of Philip’s agitation was E.O. Fordham. He is a most excellent man — I got to know him during last General Election, and I think he saved Montague’s seat. He knows an amazing lot about small holdings.

My love of mankind, which I was saying was intermittent, did not exist at all in the first years of my marriage. At that time I was quite hard and intellectual — my love for Alys was always very narrowly personal. Other feelings began to revive in me with the war — then various other people’s great troubles touched me very nearly. Alys disliked feelings she could not share or understand, and so division grew. Then my own troubles completed the growth of universal love — it came as an escape from private misfortune. But now I don’t think I should ever be long without it. Dearest, my love for you has nothing narrowly personal in it — it is great and wide and deep, and only heightens all my love for others and everything that is good. When I am with you I cannot think an ungenerous thought. It is because you bring to life all that is best in me that your hold upon me is so secure and so certain.

It was delightful yesterday — I loved going to the Russian Dancers with you. I am glad you have my letters to remind you that I am not always silly, or you would begin to think I was a fraud and someone else had written my books — I get too happy to be sensible when I am with you. Goodbye my heart.

Yr loving
B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000072. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

• 2

  [envelope] A circled “72”.

• 3

  telegramnot extant

• 4

  the book I have to writeThe Problems of Philosophy.

Textual Notes

• a

  a scruffy elderly man inserted