BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [26 APR. 1911]
BRACERS 17110. ALS(M). Texas
Edited by K. Blackwell. Reviewed by A.G. Bone

<letterhead>
TRINITY COLLEGE
CAMBRIDGE.1
Wednesday

My Dearest

Here is a mass of stuff,2 mostly not up to much — still, in parts it may interest you. They are a set of disjointed reflections, for the most part, with which I tried to solace myself when I much needed solace.3 To me they are reminiscent of the places where I wrote them. The first was written out of doors on a hill near Midhurst — others in various places — Cambridge, Fernhurst, Salisbury Plain, Cheyne Walk.

I am longing to be with you, Darling. We must manage as long as you can Friday and Monday. I hunger for you — I shall usually be free Wednesdays this term, and we had better make use of them if you can, either (once) for you to come here, or for me to go to you. My Dearest I love you more and more. You are never out of my thoughts one instant, and I should like to be always always writing to you. And I feel sure I shall love you more and more as long as I live. But it will grow harder and harder to live so much away from you, and yet get my work done properly. I can’t make myself think about it. Goodbye Dearest — this is the fourth letter to you that I have written today,4 and it is really disgraceful. But I love you and I cannot stop.

Your
B.

• 1

  [document] Parentheses, added by Ottoline’s secretary or editor and drawn in pencil, enclose the salutation to the end of the first paragraph.

• 2

  a mass of stuff The set of 21 short pieces published in Papers 12 as 2, “The Pilgrimage of Life” (1902–03). BR had introduced them in record 17102 as “various unsuccessful attempts at writing, mixed up with private reflections, that I made nine years ago. You will see just how they fail, and why I had to give it up” (SLBR 1: #165).

• 3

  when I much needed solace He had recently realized that his love for Alys was dead, and in his philosophical work he was confronted by his discovery of the Paradox.

• 4

  fourth letter to you … today The others were records 17108, 131528 and 17109.