BRACERS Record Detail for 17105
To access the original letter, email the Russell Archives.
She has Philosophical Essays.
Met G.B. Shaw and Mrs. at Ely Cathedral—they drove back. "Very friendly relations" with his pupils.
Not sure the [Whiteheads] will want him weekend.
BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [24 APR. 1911]
BRACERS 17105. ALS. Morrell papers #40, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell and A.G. Bone
<letterhead>
Trinity College,
Cambridge.1, 2
Monday evening
My Darling Darling
Your dear letter came this morning when I was so busy I had to wrench my mind off it as soon as I had read it. Now at last I am free to read it over and over, and let it fill me with joy. I like the picture of you in the sands very much — it has the splendour of you — it is the same vision I had of you on the hill-side after I had left you on Friday. You seem so much a part of Nature — the earth-spirit or the Goddess of Life.
You are so wonderful, because you can be viewed morally or poetically or primitively or any way, and in all the ways you are splendid. My imagination is busy with you all day long — it never fails to be satisfied. I did not think anybody could be such a perfect embodiment of the great ancient primitive things, and yet bea serious and moral — and yet it seems to me I need both to be quite happy. All this I have written sounds horrid. Please put it right — what I mean is all right.
Dearest, it is terribly difficult to force my mind away from you to work — it keeps running back to you, and everything else seems unimportant in comparison. I am glad my book has reached you at last. Let me know the first words of the passage about history you copied out, then I shall know the rest. I am glad, very glad, that you like my writing. Don’t be shy of saying “nice” things to me — they are such a joy to hear, and seem to make the things I have done worth having done. It doesn’t matter your not following my work, because you understand why I think it worth doing, and you agree with that, which is all that matters. Yes, I knew what you felt when our hands met and when we kissed. It was all wonderful to me. Where there is physical union, one feels feelings as one never could otherwise — I seemed to know your feelings as if they were mine.
I can come up on Friday, as early as is any use. My lectures are fixed for Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I am free all day Friday. There is not the slightest reason why I should not come up. If you will settle where and when. Shall I go to an hotel, say the Waverley, where I can’t get drunk? You might come to Cambridge on Monday as well. We could meet at King’s X at 11.10 (the train before is St. Pancras 9.15, which you would find too early); best in the train. But if you want my rooms to be really in order when you see them, you will have to come later. I have secured a carpet, which smells of camphor, but two rugs which I ought to have are not to be found. Also I am intending to put in a lot of books which are at present packed. But I think the sooner you come the better, as a bird in the hand etc.
I am so sorry your feet were tired. You mustn’t let me drag you about so far another day. But I wish I might have the chance. Yes, I think the Thursday evening Mrs McT came was just after we had met at Carlyle Square.
O my Darling, I love you. Words seem so hopeless when we have just been together, that I am almost dumb — then gradually the absolute need of words forces them out. I will never miss a chance to see you, if you offer it. I am afraid I can’t be wise — I don’t really care about anything but being with you whenever it is possible — nothing also seems to matter, except that I won’t urge you again to do anything you might regret. Your nature is such a marvellous harmony, and remorse would be a dreadful devastation — It isn’t really immorality in me, it is the religion of beautiful things — I don’t want to harm the beauty of you. Because you are the only thing I love more than being with you. But I find that in the back of my mind there is still a hope, in spite of everything, that the time may come when you will feel differently. I shall try not to do anything to bring such a time; still, the thought is there. However, it needn’t trouble you, because it is very much in the background, and won’t be obtrusive.
I enjoyed seeing my pupils — I have very friendly relations with all of them, so that meeting again is a mutual pleasure. The meeting at Ely was a very small affair,3 but I met Shaw and Mrs Shaw looking at the Cathedral, and they motored me back and came to tea with me. Shaw is mildly pleasant — not amusing in private life, but full of simple kindliness. Mrs Shaw alludes to him alternately as “G.B.S” and “the genius”. When she is not talking of him, or turning his paradoxes into platitudes, she is very simple and pleasant. I enjoyed seeing them.
I am not at all sure the Whiteheads will want me for the week-end — I rather think they will be still in the country. They don’t write letters, so there is no means of knowing. But we might secure Friday and Monday in any case.
Darling, the post is going so I must stop. I love you, Dearest, more and more and more — every day you grow more wonderful to me and other things pale more. Goodbye, Goodbye, Ottoline my life.
B.
- 1
[document] Document 000040. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.
- 2
[envelope] A circled “40”.
- 3
meeting at Ely was a very small affair No newspaper report of the meeting could be found.
Textual Notes
- a
be written over illegible word