BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [21 APR. 1911]
BRACERS 17100. ALS. Morrell papers #35, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell et al.

In the train <to London>1 ^, 2
Friday

My Dearest Life

It is absurd to be writing to you now, as I have only just started on my journey, but I can’t do anything else. You fill my heart and mind so completely that I can’t take my thoughts off you for one moment. Our three days were an absolute revelation to me of the possibilities of happiness and of love. Each moment our union seemed to grow more complete and perfect. I love you, Dearest, for everything you are, both in great ways and in what are called little ways. And I feel that you give me the perfect love that one dreams of but does not expect to find in this world. I could not care for a slavish love which would think my faults admirable — rather than that, I would run the risk of being some day found wanting — tho’ that is not one of the risks I find pleasant.

It was very hard to leave you today. I wanted to carry you off with me to some sunny Italian hillside — to live in our love, and think of nothing else but beauty. If we had met many years ago — say at the time when we met at Ham — you would have thought my atheism wicked, and I should have thought you lost in ancient error. When at last I did get to know you slightly, I supposed you cared for clothes and bibelots, and that the rest was politeness and making conversation. I was a fool — and so years were wasted.

I watched you as I went down the hill. Tiresome people interfered rather with my waving to you. You looked so splendid there on the hillside — it was a wonderful picture to carry away with me.

I shall sleep in London tonight, as I arrive too late to get on to Cambridge — I had tea at a shop in Swanage, and went on to the station after Philip’s train had been in some time.

You must think of me as very happy and very busy this next fortnight. I am in London Tuesday night, and again for the week-end 29th to 1st, at the Whiteheads. Remember this in case it is any use. I think the happiness of these days will remain, and even if we can’t get anything like so much again for a good while, we shall feel less restless than before.

I feel an abounding energy, and a power of communicating energy and faith to my young men. I shan’t grudge time away from you so^a much if I can use the things I have got from you to make my time away more useful.

Goodbye, my heart. This must be posted. My life, my love, I am yours wholly and absolutely.

B.

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  [document] Document 000035. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.

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  [envelope] A circled “35”.

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  so written over illegible word