BR TO OTTOLINE MORRELL, [13 APR. 1911]
BRACERS 17091. ALS. Morrell papers #30A, Texas
Proofread by K. Blackwell and A.G. Bone

Out of doors <Fernhurst>1
Thursday

My Dearest

I don’t know whether this will reach you tomorrow, but I will send it on the chance. I am very sorry indeed that I troubled you with such a depressed letter — somehow the transitoriness of everything was oppressing me. But now I have nothing but happiness. It is a relief to be past the days when I might have been with you. I count the hours till I can come. I find the journey from here to Swanage takes very long, so I shall go to Southampton Monday and sleep there. Address Station Hotel Southampton. You might telegraph Tuesday morning in any case (a letter might be delayed), telling me whether to come Tuesday or Wed., also how early to come. If it is not till Wednesday, I will spend Tuesday walking in the New Forest.

I remember meeting Miss Pennant at your house, and being surprised at liking her so much, having always had black views of Lord Penrhyn.

There is no reason why you should not continue to be kind to Karin, so far as I can see. She is doing very good work, and is nice.

I shall certainly not burn any of your letters unless you tell me to. As yet, they are all in my pocket, but I want a box with a lock to keep them in soon. — Dearest, your two letters that reached me this morning are such a joy to me as I cannot express. They are so full of you — I can hear you saying all the dear things in them. How can you suppose I should have found you “banale”? All your feelings have a beauty which is overwhelming. And everything you have told me of your life has interested me quite enormously. No, that had nothing to do with my depression — it was fatigue bringing on a sense of my unworthiness and of the way everything passes. Do you know Matthew Arnold’s “Joy comes and goes”? That is the mood.

Now my Dearest I must get home — I have been lunching with Mr Dakyns, who was as nice as always. My heart, I do feel your spirit with me, and altho’ it is not so good as you, it is much better than anything I have ever had before. I feel your love upholding me and uplifting me at all times, and my love for you purifies all my thoughts and makes my soul a shrine worthy of your image. I am sure other people feel my happiness, tho’ I dare not show it very plainly. The world seems full of love — it is all so good, our love, and it helps me in all dealings with others. I must stop. Goodbye my Beloved, my Ottoline — all my heart reaches out to you in utter love.

B.

• 1

  [document] Document 000030A. Proofread against a colour scan of the original.