BRACERS Record Detail for 19325
To access the original letter, email the Russell Archives.
This document is regarded by the editors of BR's Brixton Letters as a composite. In its place they chose the source records 16361 and 131599 .
"My Dear Lovely Darling, It was dreadful seeing you so sad—I did want to put my arms round you and kiss your eyes and say words of love, and let your tears come."
A separate typed note in the file indicates that the original letter is missing. Typewritten extracts are all that remain.
There are two other typed versions which match each other in text:
Document .052420, record 99881.
Document .201122, record 116361.
Their text varies from this one.
Moved from the Transcription field:
BR TO CONSTANCE MALLESON, [24 JULY 1918?]
BRACERS 19325. TL. McMaster
<Brixton Prison>1
My dear lovely Darling,
It was dreadful seeing you so sad — I did want to put my arms round you and kiss your eyes and say words of love, and let your tears come. It is dreadful when you suffer. I will do so much, so much, to make up to you when I come out — Beloved, I am grateful for your letter2 — I have hated not knowing what was happening to you — The first thing that strikes me is how extraordinarily you keep growing. Yes, it makes one very lonely having the sort of power you wrote of — I seek out those few women who are not subservient — quite instinctively. Those whom one dominates cease to count; and yet one can’t help trying to dominate — it is a queer contradiction. — O my Dear I love you love you — I feel so deeply intimate. As you grow I become more intimate, more at home with you.
I seem to live in the depths of your instincts. All that you say in your letter is so natural to me. There are times when I feel like your little child, and want your arms to keep me warm and safe against the night — and there are other times when I feel I have just managed to leap across a fearful chasm that you too must cross, and I want to tell you where and how to leap. I feel such misery when I think of all the pain you have ahead of you — in our earliest days I hardly dared touch you because I knew if I did I must introduce you to the Pain of the World <paper torn and words missing>3
Goodnight Beloved — my arms are round you, my lips are on your dear dear eyes — I am murmuring “my lovely one, my Darling, my Heart’s Joy”. O love me my Heart for all my being is yours —
Business Let the Attic4 if you can — we could never be happy there —
Notes
- 1
[document] A typed note that came to McMaster with the letter indicates that although the original letter is missing, it was written on a “‘Wed. evg.’, probably on or abt 24 July 1918.”
- 2
grateful for your letter Her letter contains remarks about power and Maurice Elvey. It may be one she wrote on 18 July (document .104579HA, record 113143), but it must always be kept in mind that letters in the “Letters to Bertrand Russell from Constance Malleson, 1916–1969” typescript underwent editing. About Maurice she wrote: “He turned up at Brighton ... having now thought it over, I daresay I wasn’t sympathetic enough about his various worries ... whenever there’s been anything I could do for him in any (worldly) way, I’ve done it.” With regard to power, BR may be referring to Colette writing: “It’s only quite lately I’ve noticed what an impact the combination of vitality and will is apt to have on people. You make a very strong impact on people — quite apart from unusual qualities of mind and wit — which only add to it, of course.” But the letter also contains information about meeting, at a luncheon hosted by her mother at Claridges, the American Colonel who was to ignite such jealousy in BR. She told BR that “the Colonel is the sort of person one gets to know instantly. So I dined with him that evening.” Certainly reading this would have set off red flags for BR, but he wrote nothing about it.
- 3
<paper torn and words missing> This and two following remarks were added by Colette in full caps when she made the transcription. A typed note indicates that the original is missing and “the following extracts are all that remain of it.”
- 4
the Attic The flat at 6 Mecklenburgh Square, London WC1, rented by Colette and her husband, Miles.