"Sat. might My Darling Love Your letter written on Xmas day reached me tonight—you are so infinitely good and patient with me, and I feel crushed with shame. It is nothing in you that keeps me from being happy, but only the situation. It came to a crisis through complicated worrying and perplexity about Frau von H., though there was no real reason to worry. I am often unspeakably happy when I am with you, and at other times I am not unhappy if I am busy and work goes well. But the situation doesn't bear thinking about, and that makes life feverish and difficult. There is no use trying to think of things to do. Certainly it was a mistake coming abroad alone; but it is only in small expedients that things can be made better."

"I am most bitterly sorry that I cannot find a more complete contentment in what you give. It really is not for want of trying hard. But I think any normal person would tell you that the situation is essentially hardly bearable; it only becomes bearable when my thoughts are fully occupied with other things."