BRACERS Record Detail
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Texas, U. of, HRC
"Wed. evg. My Darling Darling—A letter from you forwarded from Fontainebleau reached me today—such a dear dear letter—the happiest I have ever had from you—except perhaps just after Studland, which was not better. You cannot think what it means to me when you say the spell of loneliness is broken—your loneliness has been torture to me both on your account and on mine. Yes I think it is because I realize your life more that you feel it so different. And I do now really understand the way complications and nerves together affect you. I feel the change in you quite immeasurable. Always before I had a feeling that you condescended to me—that is of course too strongly put, but when I was vexed that was how it appeared—that your inner life was solitary and independent, that you were anxious to give but too proud to receive. And that made me have very little to give; also it made me feel that no full or complete relation was possible between us. What helped me most at Lausanne was that you were willing to let me know when you were unhappy, and to let me sometimes give sympathy, and to help me to understand things which I misunderstood if you said nothing. And then being able to write made everything solid, because I no longer had the sense of something very important being thrown away.
Yes, we are only now at the beginning really. I am convinced that now that we have once got straight we shall keep so, even if minor difficulties come up. I don't feel now that I lose you when I come here—you are no longer apart from the rest of my life. Darling we must avoid everything that gives a jar to you and makes you retire into yourself—it will be much easier now that I am reasonable.
Record last modified 2020/04/08
Created/last modified by rstaple